Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

I get sad a lot. Many times, it’s about something silly. But I seem to feel sad a lot more than anything else. Happiness is fleeting to me — I’ll feel it for a few hours here, maybe a day there. Sometimes I’ll even feel it for a whole week, like when we went to Hawaii as a family this summer. Then it leaves, sometimes for a very long time.  The best remedy to this has always been working. When I’m lost in a problem, whether creative or technical, I don’t feel as sad anymore.  I guess this is why my mental health issues haven’t messed with my grades too much, barring my junior and senior years of high school when they were new and I did not know how to properly manage them. This is also why I get involved in a lot of activities and purists, other than simply being strongly interested and perfectionistic. Exercise is great for this too.  I just put on my sad music playlists, and get lost in my work. 

Sometimes I will be going about my day and then just randomly remember this poorly animated movie, and the evil queen with her quicksand and British accent. We watched it enough as a kid that it appears to have wormed its way into the depths of my psyche, such that I will wake up in the middle of the night hearing that queen go “Queen, Quilt…QUICKSAAAAND!”  Yeah this movie was bizarre lol. It looks like rendered previs. But I didn’t think anything of it at the time. 

I will go back to my hard cut-off times, but I need to do something more than that, to ensure that stuff actually gets done. Maybe set alarms Also, I think I need to be nicer to myself with my everyday schedule. The early morning study block still needs to happen, but maybe I can be a bit nicer to myself later in the evening.  Idk. it's a pain but I've got to figure something out. 

really need to start owning my studies while working full-time but I'm worried. the math for computational fluid simulation is flying over my head. I know I'm capable of understanding it, but how long will it take? the math minor was not sufficient to understand this crap, at least not off the cuff.  I wanted to be done by June or at LEAST October 2023 but I still need to implement an entire fluid solver and THEN start something new. Not only that, but I am tired of not getting my art and writing off the ground.  and I keep starting my studies at 8:45 AM instead of 7:45 AM which is a major problem. because I work at 9 lmao. I can't take another winter here and if I am stuck in Utah then I'll be single for the rest of my life. there's no more point in being here. I have my dream job and I want out! But I also really want this degree. I want to learn and do hard things, and I want to excel for once. 

  I saw a new menu on people's profiles for one random discord server I just joined, and I clicked on a command on some random person's profile out of curiosity. then, this got posted to the whole discord channel. I sure hope it's somehow private to me, because I didn't need the entire server to think I was creeping on this individual. I was just curious about the button. -_-

My poetry professor at BYU was super strict.  He hated everything that wasn't concrete imagery. We couldn't talk about abstract concepts without getting points deducted. I felt like I wrote some pretty good poetry for that class, especially considering how out of practice I was, but I only made an A- on one poem. Everything else was a B or a B+.  For the final poetry portfolio, I made every single adjustment my professor suggested, and I still got a B. In the end, I had a B+ in that class.  I've hardly touched poetry since that class. It wrecked my confidence, and my inner critic got amplified.  Whereas with ordinary differential equations, I got a B+, but that class was super hard, so it made sense. I was happy with the grade.  In my fiction classes, I always got As. There were some pretty mean students in my Beginning Novel class, who made fun of my writing, but my professor liked my writing well enough. I ended up tying with a few other students for the highest grade on

Discovered this at work today.  link I think I'm finally going to fully nail git after going through this!!! :D 

1. Khan Academy 2. Khalid Azad's BetterExplained 3. CalcWorkshop 4. Wolfram Alpha  5. GeoGebra 6. Desmos  7. SnugglyHappyMathTime 8. GeeksForGeeks 9. Math With Bad Drawings 10. Terrence Tao's blog (mainly the philosophy of math stuff -- the actual work goes WAY beyond what my silly little math minor covered) Bonus: Cal Newport and Scott Young's blogs for metacognition and study strategies  CalcWorkshop just saved my butt because I was stuck on a Khan Academy geometry concept but turns out it's actually super easy lmao. 

This song came up in my YouTube recommended, and I couldn't find it anywhere else.  Actually, never mind, it's here:  Link on Evanescence Reference It's an earlier version of Lies. Ok, so I do like the Origin version, but this version is REALLY cool. I think I like it better. It doesn't have the dude singing and screaming along. Even though he's good, it isn't necessary to make the song amazing. 

Since both Reveddit and Removeddit have gone downhill and don't work half the time now, as well as Ceddit, I've been looking for an alternative to view deleted posts. I think that Unddit appears to be working well. Hopefully these clones keep popping up. I might see how hard it is to make one myself, idk.