Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME  YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME  FUCK YOU ALL.  Third layoff. Every single full-time job I've had, I've lost.  I've never liked life very much and I often wonder why I was even born here. I don't feel like I've done much. I don't really enjoy it. I love what I do, sure, but the sadness is always there. I don't like the scaffolding.  And when something like this happens, it's very easy to spiral into those old, comforting thoughts that i've had ever since I was a teen. They came up countless times then. They came up again when Sling laid me off. And then again when DreamWorks laid me off. What's the point? What if I just gave up? Threw in the towel? Fuck this world, I've always hated it, I never asked to be born.  Under the arches of moonlight and sky, Suddenly easy to contemplate, why?  Why live a life That's painted with pity and sadness and strife?  Why dream a dream  That's tainted with trouble and less than it seems? ...

Do not over-rely on AI. bad choice, bad choice, BAD CHOICE. Case in point: They make stuff up :D :D :D 

Not to be dramatic, but: When I got laid off from DreamWorks, I thought that I had lost everything. I was just going to stay there forever, while building my own creative career on the side. When I was laid off, that plan was ruined. I lost momentum completely. I limped to the finish line of my CS master's. I did not publish any papers. My final project had an error in the physics equations. I got a new job that was not animation and despite my love for coding, I just could not get my heart into it and I wasn't sure why. For a long time, I went through the motions to pay the bills and that was it. I was not consistent at practicing art, 2D or 3D, and my skills were severely lagging behind. I was not able to move to California as planned. I was not submitting to writing group. In fact, the only thing I was really consistent at was exercise.  Finally I woke up. I had to build something non-negotiable via daily automatic practice blocks that were just as important and unskippable ...

CS animation was great, fantastic even, but it wasn't really art school. It was just CS with some tech art courses.  My self study is great but I'm gonna want something more eventually.  That's why I am going to do GabyT, All in for Artists and Marc Brunet's Art School even if people on Reddit say they're a waste of money. I could trust some random who has no art on their profile, or I could trust GabyT. Hmm, why is this actually extremely easy calculus? Self study program first though. Then, the formal stuff. 

What is the summer haze?  First off, if you hate summer you probably don't experience this. However, it is something that I personally notice. It's both beautiful and dangerous.  The heat is intense yet comforting, like a warm blanket. It sends you into a sort of torpor. I've always said I'm basically a lizard. I'm cold-blooded. I can still crank my way through a water park before the crowds get there, but the haze starts to set in after that first hour or so.  The air is filled with cotton, like snow in June or July. The world is green and blue, and the air smells of barbecue and cinnamon and chlorine and sunscreen. People are laughing and talking and splashing. This feeling is strongest at public parks, including the ones at Provo Canyon, water parks, and amusement parks. It is obviously amplified in seasonal places where half the year the air hurts your face.  My brain personally  can easily fall into this half-zoned out, dissociative state where I'm lost in ...

I've been watching RWBY Ice Queendom, and only have one episode left. Mild spoilers here I guess.  I've realized how much I enjoyed the Beacon arc, and how I wish it could've lasted longer.  IQ does get dark or at least intense. It's not a Bluey episode, and it shouldn't be, as much as I love Bluey. I've always related to Weiss the most out of the main 4, especially her song Mirror, Mirror. So the scene with Pyrrha singing it inside of Weiss' dream still haunts me. It was very well executed.  Even so, it then lightens up and gets funny again. Those moments of catharsis are really needed. We're back in Beacon ready to learn more about becoming huntsmen and huntresses, I think (we'll see for sure in the last episode once I watch it). And the music is good, much like the music in actual RWBY.  But as I start to separate my nightly coding block into two different ones, Code and Games/Webcomics, I'm starting to think about my own webcomic that I'm...