Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

I am probably too chronically online, but I see the weirdest trends in online fitness spaces. Here are a few.  "All that muscle and you still don't know how to FIGHT".  My response: If I was training to be Bruce Lee, I'd sign up for martial arts? I lift because it looks good. I don't understand the argument.  "Hyrox is for bros who don't do manual labor. Shut up and mow your lawn. :) "  My response: I don't like yard work. In fact, I hate it. I'm glad other people like it, and I will pay them to do it for me. What does this even mean? Manual labor is a chore, not a sport. Hyrox is a sport. Once again, I simply do not understand what your argument is.  "Men these days are too WEAK and FEMININE. You need to learn how to eat STEAKS and lift WEIGHTS in a SAUNA. SOFT TIMES CREATE SOFT MEN, STAY HARD"  My response: Okay, so you're either implying that feminine is a bad thing, which is super sketchy and misogynistic , or you're imp...

And I think I figured out why yesterday bugged me so much and I wrote that crashout.  One of my most regular writing group members announced he was quitting because he didn't like our submission format. Not hiatus. Quitting. And it's like. We've met weekly since 2020. Six years. Does that not mean anything to you? And now the group is so small they're not sure if they want to keep going. I don't have much of a social life which is normally fine but I've met with these people for SIX. YEARS. How do you just throw it away like it's nothing?  If you love something, you never quit at it. Ever. And so... First off, fuck quitters. Pardon the French. No sympathy. If I'm not important enough to you then fuck you. Second off, this has to mean nothing other than: I will keep writing. I will do my best to keep both my groups running, but if they crash I'll find another. And if that one crashes then fuck them. I will try even harder to make my chapter cadence in...

I've been laid off from every full-time job I've had.  Including my dream job that I got during an industry boom and foolishly thought I'd stay at forever.  One of my writing groups is on the verge of collapse and I feel it's partly my fault because I wasn't submitting consistently enough. That's what triggered this I guess.  No relationships. No romance.  No novels published. I was THE gifted English kid and I've done nothing No Patreon. No art commissions. My art is still mediocre, both 2D and 3D. Same with my graphics programming. No way animation would hire me for anything beyond pipeline.  Didn't double major with mechanical or electrical engineering and am too far behind on my self-study.  I'm not very good at Leetcode. I'm not very good at system design. I don't have any cool apps on the store. Nobody cares about SWEs anymore. All they care about business and vibe coding.  I got an Adobe internship and I can't get back in. I've...

Yep, still RLOAI:  Result Low Extroversion Very High Neuroticism  High Conscientiousness  High Agreeableness  Very High Openness  withdrawn, loner, not wild and crazy, does not like the spotlight, worrying, crowd averse, afraid to draw attention to self, easily hurt, fearful, prone to low physical fitness, fears mistakes, prone to health problems, hard to get to know, risk averse, unable to speak up for self, becomes overwhelmed by events, not self confident, depressed, embarrassed by praise, prefers organized to unpredictable, apprehensive about new encounters, not good at telling jokes, easily intimidated, quiet around strangers, socially unskilled, easily offended, avoids being a bother to anyone, anxious, plays it safe, not spontaneous, some attraction to things associated with sadness, easily discouraged, apologetic, private, requires lots of time alone to recharge, self loathing, avoidant, second guesses self, low energy level, values solitude, not physica...

Quick and fast. First off, it's been a weird few weeks for me. I still haven't left California after coming here after my layoff. I'll need to next week. But weirdly, despite the occasional conflict over "why are you not married yet, you need to get an in person job and go to FHE", it's peaceful here.  Still unhappy though. Nothing is going the way I'd hoped in my life. I should bounce back, I should say "you will not break me" and go hard, but I cannot seem to. Only for personal projects now. My trust in jobs and companies is gone forever and my interest in reality / the "real world" as a concept continues to decrease rapidly. The temptation to just mentally check out is strong. I have the ability to be extremely functional methodically while my mind is living completely detached from reality (deep within a fantasy) and I might enter that mode again soon.  Also the marine layer is both cool and depressing.  And I'm procrastinating ...

This does not surprise me .  Software engineering is so bad compared to the actual rigor and discipline of traditional engineering. The beautiful and fascinating world of code has been infiltrated by business bros and finance bros. This has caused managers to breathe down your neck trying to make you code faster, causing you to ship slop code that's poorly tested and not up to standard. AI is super useful for actual software engineering, but then you realize that 5000 LinkedIn bros are "vibe coding" their own shitty Unity slop without even looking at the code, then smirking at SWEs because they think we're toast and they won't have to pay us anymore. And then they sling the slop over the wall to prod.  Then management, being filled with dumb business bros who have never felt true passion, decides to make some "tough company decisions" and cut half the team.  The industry is going to have what's coming to it. I'm NOT saying to do something stupid ...