Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

They are starting to drive me insane. How is there a sync conflict today, when I didn't open Scrivener on any other device today, yesterday, OR Wednesday?  unironically might just start writing in a code tool, I'm not sure

specifically my dad, who said "if your current novel isn't working, you need to drop it and start a new one"  LOL. As if doing that for like 10 years isn't a huge part of the reason why I'm still not ready to be published yet.  "You've been writing for so long and still aren't published yet"  Again, see above. You think I WANT to be here right now? It's like when they give me crap for being single -- do you think I WANT to be? The way they intonate and inflect, this is what it appears they are trying to insinuate.  I am writing this here, because some people in this world cannot be reasoned with, no matter how hard you try -- at the risk of sounding cliche, it's like talking to a brick wall.  But the real thing is -- I HAVE TO have multiple screw-ups in my writing.  It's impossible NOT TO, for 99% of people.  I accidentally made it to part 3 of Eternisummer, FINALLY, and I am not confident in this novel at all . I love the premise and...

I'd sure like to deploy to dev and do some smoke testing so I can yeet my ticket to the next column. I can't do that, though.  This platform is slowly enshittifying. Microslop is slopping as usual. Of course, Windows is still the best OS for gaming and PC building, so we're going to stay in the abusive relationship with Microslop for now. Macbooks for laptops all the way, though. 

and maybe less venting to llms, but that's another topic. seriously, I have the lowest token usage on my team and I still feel like I'm rotting my brain and I am done. I am trying to phase it out as much as I can, minus maybe some safety-net stuff. but it will not be perfect.  kind of ironic -- devs will crap on you for not using AI, artists will crap on you for using it, and I'm both.  It was easy to not use AI for writing and art, because that's just stupid. Why would I need that? but in CS, it was so normalized. I always refused to "vibe code", and I refuse to use that term without putting it in quotes because of how dumb it is. but even so, i was getting too reliant on these big AI companies. i've got half a mind to just become a C guy or something to swing in the total opposite direction and go total low level, but that's easier said than done. plus, C++ makes more sense for me individually in the graphics realm. C maybe if i pivot more towards th...

We've reached depths of autism that even I didn't think were possible (WE'RE, not were, apple intelligence sucks, I need to turn it off) I think I've listened to this song maybe 40 times since I heard it on my drive home on Sunday. I can't stop. It's like an auditory stim, even though it hits me with a profound wave of sadness every time.  It also makes me want to push even harder, because I'm terrified of running out of time, and I have to make all of this happen before it's over. And I may not do drugs, but there's plenty of drug-free ways to calm yourself down, that still aren't really healthy.  And they said it's fool's gold, it's got a hold I'm dying here Lovers talk, late at night, doing drugs to ease my mind I'm not all right  https://genius.com/Buffalo-traffic-jam-fools-gold-lyrics

okay, not the only one , but it often feels like I'm the only one who cares.  writing group? everyone quit except me.  comic con? I'm always the one who gets the tickets, who researches how the queueing system works in order to game it properly, I want to go more days while others want to go less or not at all.  people always tell me to tone it down, to chill out, to stop doing so much, and I don't understand why.  i never will. that's why my reddit bio has that quote from One Project, "Turn up the volume and let out the rage."  turn it up. when everyone else tones down, go all in. if anyone reading this is like me. i don't understand the lack of passion. it's confusing to me. why does nobody care?  so smile for the camera, put on a show, if you try to drag me down, then down you will go