I regret...

...not studying engineering. 

For the record, I do NOT regret majoring in computer science. I loved all the classes and the animation emphasis. I just should have double-majored. I mean, the entire time through CS, I was secretly thinking, "will I actually be able to design roller coasters with a CS degree?" But I liked it, so didn't want to switch out, and had too many credits anyway. These feelings only amplified when taking over the TPED club. Reading about PLCs, and from my communications with Birket Engineering, it does seem possible to get into controls software engineering. But, you can't get a PE with a CS degree. And actual engineering graduates will take precedence over you for jobs. Case in point, just got passed over for a Universal Creative engineering job, even though CS majors are listed as one of the majors that is accepted. 

Emotions are still high for me, in a negative way, due to getting laid off from DreamWorks starting on Friday, 2 days from now. This was the job I wanted. I wanted to stay here for a long time. That's not going to happen anymore. Just like with Sling, I'm booted out, after only 13 months at the company. I've only had two full-time jobs, and they both ended with layoffs after just over a year. 

So, I wish I had double majored, in CS Animation combined with either EE or CpE. That would have allowed me to apply to engineering, software, IT, and animation jobs. 

In all reality, I was just too scared of engineering due to my depressed high school self who had zero self-confidence. Back then I was a very different person. I didn't think I could succeed in math at all. I now know, after doing CS with a math minor, that I was wrong. I love math. I have done a complete turnaround in that area. 

I might go back for engineering. If I do, it'll have to be the BS first. I don't even know if it would be EE, CpE, mechatronics, or ME, but it will be some version of that. It will have to be part-time and online, because I need to work for money. I'll need to balance it with my creative pursuits and keeping my CS skills sharp. I love CS. But it's too popular now. It's just not enough. 

At the same time though, I'm still so tired. I need a new job. I need to finish my MS in CS before doing anything else. I will play in band, start attending the Cybersecurity Association, and revitalize the TPED club. I could do the club running team again, but I prefer my early-morning schedule and focus on long-distance right now. I want some cybersecurity certs, I want a bulletproof knowledge of CS fundamentals plus personal projects, and I want to self-study some engineering concepts. But more than anything, I want to finally get my writing, art, and game development off the ground. Stop sucking and finish stuff. Publish stuff. Get a Patreon going. Creative expression is extremely important to me. I'll spend a few years creating, reviewing, and self-studying. And resting. Resting a lot. Forgetting about the world for a while. And I'll be preparing for whatever the next step ends up being. However long it takes. Though I will try to timebox it. 3 years, maybe, or a max of 5. I think that my CS and math review should be timeboxed to the end of my MS actually. If I really strive to do that, time will fly until April. But man, I don't even know where I want to live now. I don't want to be stuck in a Utah job necessarily. I don't know when I'll be done with my degree for sure because theses tend to take forever. I'm gunning for April though. A full year later than intended. 

I'm not happy. Happiness is elusive to me and I can never seem to feel it for very long -- it always slips through my grasp. But I do love what I do and I know how to move forward, and at this point, I think that's all that matters. 

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