“Why are you still single?”

Believe me — I don’t want to be. But, I know my social anxiety has caused a lot of issues in this regard. Ultimately, this is the core reason. That, and —

I want to make a few things clear. 

  1.  Love and romance are the most important things in the entire world. Nothing else is more important. Nothing. NOTHING. Everything I do ties to it. Every. Single. Pursuit. 
  2. I believe in soulmates and that love can be eternal. No one can ever, or will ever, convince me otherwise. 
  3. I will not date until I feel ready to do so. Unless an enticing opportunity naturally presents itself, but this tends to not happen. I do not currently feel ready. There are things I need to do first. 
  4. I hate dating apps. I hate casual dating. I hate shopping around for people. Hate, hate, hate, hate it. It’s the least romantic thing I can possibly think of. At some point, I recognize that I might just have to deal with it. But I am still hoping for that movie moment, of bumping into her in the middle of a crowded space somewhere, locking eyes and knowing she’s the one. I’m going to wait for this for a little while longer. 
  5. I don’t get why or how people in Utah get married so fast. We are talking about eternity here. I am NOT messing up this decision.   
  6. I feel very strongly that there is someone specific I am supposed to find, and have always felt this way, but I have not felt any direction yet to clarify how to find her. Other than stay in Utah, even though I want out, and wait. 
  7. I have prayed every single night since I was 14 that I could find this love that I am searching for. 
  8. No one has ever suggested someone to me and actually been correct that I’d be interested in them (or vice versa). Not once. I hate having people suggested to me. 
  9. I will not settle. I will never settle. Not on this. It’s just too important. I don’t care if I die alone. I will wait until after this life if I cannot find my love here. I’ve yearned for a relationship ever since I was very little. I want it more than anything else in the entire world, and I would give up everything I have for it. But if it’s not a flaming, passionate romance filled with intensity and fire, of powerful mutual attraction and beauty, of looking into each others’ eyes and knowing we are meant for each other, of gazing at the stars together and talking of other worlds and forever — then I. Don’t. Want. It. 

A very important article I found pertaining to this is here. https://www.theawl.com/2013/11/ask-polly-help-im-the-loneliest-person-in-the-world/

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