"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f*** you were going to do anyway."

I'm sick as crap right now. Mucinex-and-Dayquil-addled rave ahead. 

I've been sick since last week and it shows no signs of slowing down. Breathing through my nose is naught but a pleasant memory, only experienced briefly now after getting out of the shower. 

It's caused me to reflect a lot. I've been taking a lot of (slightly dizzy) walks, listening to the birdsong and enjoying the world as it bizarrely feels like early spring. Considering the beautiful and unseasonably warm weather we've been having, and a possibly irrational euphoria due to not being able to breathe properly since last Wednesday, I've been feeling strangely optimistic -- a rare feeling for me. 

It could also be the DayQuil and the caffeine. Yeah, that's definitely a factor. 

I feel that my art, both 2D and 3D, will soon take off, and I'll be able to get back into the animation industry one day soon. I am excited to work on my master's thesis code each day, and I believe I will finish it soon. I am motivated to write my novels once again, and to share my created worlds with others. I am excited to exercise again once I am better. And there is so much more to learn, both in computer science and the future engineering fields I plan to study. I'll get my IT certs and publish my video games and design my theme park attractions. I will move out of the snow in time. I'm also no longer worried about the commute for my new job, at least not that much. I believe I will find a way to get through this and excel no matter what. 

This is bizarre, but every time I'm sick specifically with extreme congestion but no stomach issues or intense fever, I remember obsessively reading the Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 manual as a child. I believe that one time I got sick for a long time and basically just read it over and over again, which is why my mind created such a strong association with it. I pulled it up on my phone (it's available freely online) and I read it whenever I get nostalgic, like now :)

And I was only allowed to play video games for 2 hours a week, so I would read the manuals instead, because there was no rule against that. Ha, so nerdy. Theme parks and video games, two of my biggest passions. 

For some reason, it just makes me excited, remembering the days I used to read that manual obsessively. I guess it reminds me of those carefree childhood days when anything was possible. I feel limitless. I feel like I can really do this -- this life, I mean. 

So many new things to learn. So many upcoming projects and things to create. 

We are not always able to free ourselves from the constraints of this reality, but we can often free ourselves from a lot more than we initially expected. 

My parents don't want me to go to Disney World for the weekend late next month. Because it will require a small amount of time away from my new job, and also because I'll be racing on a Sunday (gasp). My mom was very passive-aggressive on our last phone call, looking angrily away from the camera most of the time, and not talking much. I also haven't bought tickets yet or anything, but I already have the RunDisney signed up for...

But you know what? I have a good job starting soon, and I've already informed them that I'll be out town for those few days. 

"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f*** you were going to do anyway." 

If I listened to my parents all the time: 

  • I never would've gotten a CS degree (they thought it would be too hard for me)
  • I never would've emphasized in animation and thus never would've worked at DreamWorks (they said I shouldn't apply for the animation emphasis) 
  • I never would've gotten the COVID vaccine (and thus would've never worked at Adobe, because it was a requirement :) )
  • I wouldn't be living in my current apartment which I love (they said it was too expensive)
  • I wouldn't have had so many fun summers (going to theme parks and water parks by myself is "weird" and "people will think you're creepy")
  • I wouldn't be lifting weights (that's "too vain")
  • I wouldn't be doing my master's thesis in computational foam simulation ("Why are you doing stuff with physics when you struggled in it?" Maybe because I love physics and I don't give up that easily?) 
  • I wouldn't have minored in math (again, they thought it was too hard for me, and it wasn't)
  • I wouldn't be running high mileage, including the 15 to 16-mile long runs I do on Saturdays ("you're going to injure yourself")
  • I wouldn't have built a gaming PC or play any video games at all. 
  • I wouldn't have gone to Disneyland in February 2020, one of the best weekends of my life! (They said it was too expensive and a waste of money)
  • I would've quit my instruments a long time ago. Well, this one is a toss-up. They alternate between supporting my music and thinking that it's a waste of time. No logical consistency. 
  • I wouldn't be using caffeine for my ADHD, and in fact, I never would've gotten the diagnosis at all ("there's nothing wrong with you")
And if I had realized this even earlier, I could've done a lot more too. Oh well, will just have to start now. 

People love to put you in their cute little boxes. And oh, how mad they get when you saunter right out of them. 

...So yeah, I'm probably just going to go to WDW for a few days. We will see, I won't make the decision until I'm fully over this cold most likely...But I think I'm going to do it. A little trip to the warmth of Florida, to lose myself in a world of fantasy for a few days. What's wrong with that? Nothing at all, I'd say. 

But let's just hope I don't die of whatever virus I have in the interim. :P

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