Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

I will never take a managerial position. I will never even apply for one.  Senior engineer path. All the way. Code all day. Mastery all day. Tech all day. Knowledge above all. I want to implement complex algorithms and balance computer science with software engineering.  I don't care if I get paid less. This is my path. The only management I'll ever do is if I am able to secure $$$ to open my own theme park resort.  I'm writing my own operating system. I'm making custom Linux distros. I'm coding every single physics simulation algorithm. I'm going to understand and master the computer, from the ground up, and absolutely no one is going to stop me. 

I used to care what people thought, But now I care more. I mean, nobody out here's got it figured out So therefore, I've lost all hope in a happy ending. - Childish Gambino, some classic 2010s rap.  No hope in a happy ending, yet here I am, building my study plans and trying anyway, for some reason. It feels right to do so, and thus I will. 

What a weird word, right.  I have felt long-term happy at 4 times in my life:  Childhood, until the end of age 10.  On my mission.  Spring and summer 2019, right after graduating with my BS in CS-Animation.  The 1 year I worked at DreamWorks.  And that's about it.  Right now I'm basically hanging on with tiny moments, like  At the gym I'll feel a burst of energy and start pumping out some really good sets  At the theme park, adrenaline will finally hit (I am really desensitized lol) on a coaster or slide, and I'll feel pretty happy -- especially if it's a Saturday, full caffeine after a tolerance break, and sunny.  Stuff like that.  I need a Fun Friday again. Sometimes you've just got to go through the motions, and the brain will like... snap  into "oh yeah, I am supposed to put in happy chemicals, right!" I'll try tonight, if I am able. 

deep inside of you there's a ruby glow and it gets brighter than you or I will ever know there's a rushing sound that surrounds us when we walk alone, and it's everything we've never known .  - Owl City

There's something crazy about getting into bed when it's still light out, and the sun is just starting to set. After laying on the hammock at 7 PM and everything is beautiful, sunny, and bright.  Then if you wake up to pee or get a drink of water, the world is dark. I look out my bathroom window at the lights of 7-11 and realize that I've kind of forgotten what night is like. And it's been so warm that I haven't needed a jacket or jeans outdoors in months.  When you wake up in the morning, especially if you're like me and you try to lift at 5 AM, there's this quiet darkness for just the first few minutes. Especially on a Saturday, where I start running at 5:30 AM so I have to lift even earlier. You can look up and see the stars. Instead of seeing them as you fall asleep, you see them as you wake up.  " Above the horizon, in the early morning, when everything is still "  And then the dawn starts to break through the gym window as you're lifting....

Apple Sleep, I mean.  You've woken me up with an aggressive series of haptics 30 minutes before my alarm too many times, asking me IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE AWAKE! SHALL I TURN OFF THE ALARM? causing me to sleep only 6-6.5 hours instead of 7. No, you can't turn this feature off.  From now on? - Manual alarms. - I'll have to manually put my phone into sleep.  Because this is the worst possible feature anyone has ever put into a watch. Worst UX ever written.  Today is gonna have a major crash now. Lovely. Here's my new alarm interface, no Apple Sleep necessary (if you think the 3:50 am alarm sucks, you are correct, but that's what I get for losing my DreamWorks job and having to drive to Nephi on Tuesdays):

When you want to be a full-time creative, but aren't there yet, there's some stock advice that you always get.  Brandon Sanderson worked nights at a hotel (clerk, I think) while writing the entire time. Genius, right? When you take his class, he'll tell everyone that it's better to have a job that isn't cognitively demanding  so that way all of those mental resources can be diverted towards writing.  But I don't want to live off of a clerk's salary.  I figured, coding is the most profitable passion that I have, so it would be kind of dumb to not major in it? I didn't like the look of the art minor (it was very hands-on; I prefer digital mediums) so I went ahead and did the animation emphasis, too. That was a brutal pre-major and application process. This is why I have very little sympathy for business pre-majors. They take Excel and accounting classes whereas we're doing discrete structures, calculus, Newtonian mechanics, and getting our art roasted...

As per usual.  As much as I'd love to go to all the different festivals and carnivals around the valley, it's almost  all  just City of Fun, moving around the state. CoF is a fun enough carnival, but I don't need to go there that  often lol. It's a bit janky. I got bruises on my shoulders from the Spin Out. Worth it at the time, it's a good ride, but still annoying.  Ring of Fire is always worth riding.  I have never gotten the Jaydebug credit (Wisdom Clatterpillar) as it has an artificial max height limit. I have  gotten the Orient Express credit, but I don't ever want to put my body through that again.  Like I said...JANKY.  They don't let you ride the Vertigo solo. The Mighty Thomas Carnival (Utah State Fair) always lets me do it. :V This is why City of Fun needs to do better . They are just...Not that great.  Jank rides, shit policies, and they are everywhere  in Utah.  So pretty much the only thing I do is Ring of Fire and...

What do you do when writing group is in 35 minutes but you want waterslides? SCERA pools during last hour before close.  6:25 entry 6:34 departure  Rode both slides AND the lazy river and even had a moment to admire the view up top.  Man, I love summer. 

because most of my weekends are spent lifting, running, doing water parks (or theme parks or fall festivals) and then fitting in creative work and technical work before EOD, then gaming after dinner.  So I don't hike very often. But when I do, I enjoy it, and I want to keep in stabilizer-muscle shape without derailing this existing schedule. Thus, instead of my Saturday 20-minute midafternoon walk, I am going to do hiking hill repeats at Vineyard Grove Park. It does have a tiny trail on that hill (or at least it SHOULD still have that). I will just repeatedly walk up and down it for those 20 minutes. This is assuming I'm in the area and not up by Lagoon, in which case there's plenty of trail infra that doesn't require venturing alone into the mountains. I will use my Hoka trail shoes and my Camelbak, and I will look absolutely ridiculous. 

Showed up in my car window today after the farmer's market. I, uh  Don't think I'm going to need that.  😆 Is this what the white people do for fun? Voluntarily increase their risk of skin cancer by using UV beds or Trump-style spray-ons (ew) instead of just...touching grass? The white people get to be super tall. If I was full white I would probably just sit around thinking "wow, I'm really tall, that's cool" not "omg I'm too pale", but whatever.  And I'm not so brown that I don't get farmer's tans. I do, they're just not that noticeable. I definitely have a slight one right now. I run outside a lot but am usually only shirtless at the beach or water park. Why? Sweat absorbs better on a shirt + I feel like a tool for some reason if I ever go shirtless on a run.  Farmer's market was great as always though. Loaded brisket mac and cheese (sorry summer cut, uwu), some free samples, bought a cookie that I'm gonna need to p...

"and I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have...aaall of m-" FM 420.69 PLAYS TODAY'S HITS TO MAKE YOU FEEL AMAZING ON YOUR MONDAY MORNING DRIVE TO WORK! It's so jarring lol. 

I often lay in bed and think about the distance Between me and the nearest star  I wish that I could be in. ~ Ghostemane

It's too early to think about this, but I have to be somewhat cognizant so that way I don't miss the Cornbelly's August season pass sale (unless I secure a California escape by then, but even then I might still just get it). I already borked the Christmas sale last winter.  I'm obviously a huge water park fan, and water parks are usually associated with two types of weather: blindingly sunny and hot, or cool and suspiciously close to thunderstorm weather. This is true from May into September. Though the last days of September can  be cold and rainy, it does not seem very common.  Because the fall is so volatile at this latitude, it separates the fall fair season into much more distinguishable periods.  The Pre-Season: Late August - Early Sept We're still deep within the trappings of a Utah summer -- intensely hot and blindingly bright, with pure blue skies. Only the Spanish Fork location is open. The corn and sunflowers are green and fresh. Especially during passhol...

In 2019, my brand new apartment was spotless, and for about a year and a half, I kept it that way. Without knowing it, I had created an autopilot schedule, deep cleaning every Wednesday night and Saturday morning.  However, that took a lot of time away from my personal goals. For example, I failed to achieve my goal of reviewing the entire math minor on Khan Academy before I started my MS (I'm finally trying again now that I've graduated). Also, I wouldn't leave my house until like 2-4 pm most Saturdays and I would be very sweaty and frustrated that I wasn't having fun until then.  So I stopped, and now my apartment looks horrible in 2025. There's crap everywhere. I'm very unhappy.  I need to restart this, but only 1 block for 1 hour a week. Just do what I can in that time.  The problem is that there is no good time to do this. Not if I'm dedicated to my goals and dreams. But there needs to be a non negotiable weekly block where I clean while listening to au...

On Mondays during the summer, I crank out 2-7 afternoon miles in 90+F heat.  There isn't a lot of shade on my run, but there is some. I always do it at the bike path by the Lindon Aquatics Center -- I have a punch pass there -- so that way I can take a nice refreshing dip in the water slides and lazy river afterwards.  But holy crap, it's fun. In an agonizing sort of way. I love hot, sunny weather. I hate running on black ice with YakTrax for 16 miles during the winter. Heat is far better, because no snow or ice can even exist under such conditions. The intensity of it seems to calm my anxious, racing thoughts, and the extremely bright UV rays seem to actually...force my brain into being happy, which is interesting.  Never mind that my apartment is always a cool 68F. Yes, I have a high A/C bill. Oh well.  Also, my pace is usually embarrassingly slow lol. I raced at 6:24 pace for a half marathon 2 Saturdays ago and now here we are: See. A LITTLE bit of shade.  Th...