Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

I will never take a managerial position. I will never even apply for one.  Senior engineer path. All the way. Code all day. Mastery all day. Tech all day. Knowledge above all. I want to implement complex algorithms and balance computer science with software engineering.  I don't care if I get paid less. This is my path. The only management I'll ever do is if I am able to secure $$$ to open my own theme park resort.  I'm writing my own operating system. I'm making custom Linux distros. I'm coding every single physics simulation algorithm. I'm going to understand and master the computer, from the ground up, and absolutely no one is going to stop me. 

I used to care what people thought, But now I care more. I mean, nobody out here's got it figured out So therefore, I've lost all hope in a happy ending. - Childish Gambino, some classic 2010s rap.  No hope in a happy ending, yet here I am, building my study plans and trying anyway, for some reason. It feels right to do so, and thus I will. 

What a weird word, right.  I have felt long-term happy at 4 times in my life:  Childhood, until the end of age 10.  On my mission.  Spring and summer 2019, right after graduating with my BS in CS-Animation.  The 1 year I worked at DreamWorks.  And that's about it.  Right now I'm basically hanging on with tiny moments, like  At the gym I'll feel a burst of energy and start pumping out some really good sets  At the theme park, adrenaline will finally hit (I am really desensitized lol) on a coaster or slide, and I'll feel pretty happy -- especially if it's a Saturday, full caffeine after a tolerance break, and sunny.  Stuff like that.  I need a Fun Friday again. Sometimes you've just got to go through the motions, and the brain will like... snap  into "oh yeah, I am supposed to put in happy chemicals, right!" I'll try tonight, if I am able. 

deep inside of you there's a ruby glow and it gets brighter than you or I will ever know there's a rushing sound that surrounds us when we walk alone, and it's everything we've never known .  - Owl City

There's something crazy about getting into bed when it's still light out, and the sun is just starting to set. After laying on the hammock at 7 PM and everything is beautiful, sunny, and bright.  Then if you wake up to pee or get a drink of water, the world is dark. I look out my bathroom window at the lights of 7-11 and realize that I've kind of forgotten what night is like. And it's been so warm that I haven't needed a jacket or jeans outdoors in months.  When you wake up in the morning, especially if you're like me and you try to lift at 5 AM, there's this quiet darkness for just the first few minutes. Especially on a Saturday, where I start running at 5:30 AM so I have to lift even earlier. You can look up and see the stars. Instead of seeing them as you fall asleep, you see them as you wake up.  " Above the horizon, in the early morning, when everything is still "  And then the dawn starts to break through the gym window as you're lifting....

Apple Sleep, I mean.  You've woken me up with an aggressive series of haptics 30 minutes before my alarm too many times, asking me IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE AWAKE! SHALL I TURN OFF THE ALARM? causing me to sleep only 6-6.5 hours instead of 7. No, you can't turn this feature off.  From now on? - Manual alarms. - I'll have to manually put my phone into sleep.  Because this is the worst possible feature anyone has ever put into a watch. Worst UX ever written.  Today is gonna have a major crash now. Lovely. Here's my new alarm interface, no Apple Sleep necessary (if you think the 3:50 am alarm sucks, you are correct, but that's what I get for losing my DreamWorks job and having to drive to Nephi on Tuesdays):

When you want to be a full-time creative, but aren't there yet, there's some stock advice that you always get.  Brandon Sanderson worked nights at a hotel (clerk, I think) while writing the entire time. Genius, right? When you take his class, he'll tell everyone that it's better to have a job that isn't cognitively demanding  so that way all of those mental resources can be diverted towards writing.  But I don't want to live off of a clerk's salary.  I figured, coding is the most profitable passion that I have, so it would be kind of dumb to not major in it? I didn't like the look of the art minor (it was very hands-on; I prefer digital mediums) so I went ahead and did the animation emphasis, too. That was a brutal pre-major and application process. This is why I have very little sympathy for business pre-majors. They take Excel and accounting classes whereas we're doing discrete structures, calculus, Newtonian mechanics, and getting our art roasted...