4w5 and 5w4: science and art

So enneagram theory IS pseudoscience, and has an uncomfortably large overlap with people who think that astrology is actually legitimate. However, reading the 4w5 descriptions as a high school senior / college freshman lent itself to such painful accuracy for me that I realized that there was probably much more to this theory than what was on the surface. As Owl City says, "life is quite surreal", and I wouldn't believe in God or soulmates or life on other planets if I took everything at face value. So, I study enneagram theory anyway, woo and all. Honestly, if it helps you (and it will), who cares. 

So, 4w5 and 5w4. 

People act like these two types are totally different, and as such, conducting a Google search on their differences gives you overtly simplistic explanations (4w5s are more EMOTIONAL and 5w4s are more INTELLECTUAL, no freaking shiz, Sherlock), or random crap like "if you identify with both, you're probably a 6 or a 9", which makes absolutely no sense. 

In reality, the two types can look extremely similar, both on the surface and underneath it. 

I type as INFP, 4w5 sx/sp (wanderer: close to sp/sx, but not quite). Tritype is for chumps, but I guess mine is 471. Reluctantly so -- if 479 is the Disney fan, I like to think that 471 is the Imagineer. But that's not what I'm here to discuss. 

When I was a kid, I never once saw intellect and emotion as opposites. I just assumed that everyone was emotional, and that intellect simply varied between each individual. I still harbor this belief to an extent, even after studying typology on and off for the past decade. Thinking and feeling are not really opposites. It's a false dichotomy. Apparently, in the popular cultural zeitgeist, being an emotional basket case somehow means that you don’t like logical analysis, which makes zero sense because the two things have nothing to do with each other. :P

I've said this before and I will say it again: 4w5 is an intellectual type. And 4w5's aren't just philosophers. They can be drawn to mathematics and science, as can 5w4s. These things are not the sole domain of the 5w6. 4w5 is a cerebral and curious type. Yes, we are emotional, but I have had many people think that I was an INTP 5w4 instead of an INFP 4w5 (btw I consider this a compliment, but I can assure you that I am neither that smart nor that objective!) and I've tested as INTP a few times, though I'm usually a strong F -- it depends on the test. 

Also, there is going to be a lot of cross-over between the two types in terms of motivations and core fears. The two types are going to be very similar. I know INTP and INTJ 5w4s and 5w6s, and I get along just fine with both, though some 5w6s can go on weird power trips (i.e. when TAing in the computer science program and being condescending and almighty towards students, though this is rare). I suspect that when my writing style isn't sappy (i.e. I'm not trying to write a romance), my method of writing and explaining might seem like Ti to others. It's not, though. Fi is inherently a rational judging function and as a result it isn't going to sound as different from Ti as you might think. 

As a little child, there was the 5 in me, that was for sure. The drive to learn everything I could about dinosaurs, space, science, nature, Pokemon, and theme parks. But there was 4 there, too, and that was stronger. The shy self-consciousness. The drawing and writing and inventing. The desire to understand and know myself. The creation of dark and frightening worlds. The melancholy and romanticism; the fantasy. The falling for girls and dreaming about a future with them, even in elementary school, futures that would never happen (obviously, because I was kind of like 6 or 7 years old and didn't know any better). The dreaming of finding and falling for someone who would truly understand me. The longing for other worlds, the creation of imaginary friends, the feeling of being out of place and of not belonging. And the combined characteristics of 4 and 5 made me work super hard in school, almost like some 3s would, wanting desperately to be seen as smart whilst simultaneously fearing that it was all a ruse, and I wasn't very smart at all. In reality, a middle ground is probably the truth :) But it has always bothered me. The 5 also brought with it a lot of anxiety -- the classic fear of being overwhelmed by the world. 

In fact, both 4/5s and 5/4s are often easily overwhelmed by the world. Both are double-withdrawn types, both are shy and self-conscious, and both have a tendency to lose themselves in both intellectual pursuits and flights of romantic fantasy (especially with sx-first). Both can have self-deprecating humor about how emo they are (and some 5w6s are like this as well). Both are drawn to art, science, mathematics, philosophy, film, literature...I could go on and on and on. Both are often drawn to the macabre and dark, though not always. I can think of a 5w4 INTP with a weaker wing who has a small degree of interest in horror -- he was the one who told me about the Stephen King story with the perception of time travel leading to insanity, "The Jaunt", but is otherwise unable to handle horror. He will not watch it with me. Furthermore, his interest in The Jaunt (disclaimer, haven't actually read it myself as of this posting, only discussed it) was much more philosophical and psychological than it was emotional: he treated it as an ethical problem framed via a hypothetical context; an open-ended system to be solved but without a clear answer. 

I know another 5w4 INTP with a much stronger wing (almost 4w5) who delved much further into horror than I am capable of. I may be writing a horror novel currently, but I actually have a hard time with scary movies. I enjoy them, but I don't like being unable to sleep at night because of them. As a result, I usually stick to books, because due to their lack of sonic and concrete visual cues, they leave less of an impression on my mind. But they still give me that thrill I crave, like listening to heavy metal or riding a roller coaster. Regardless, we had an interesting discussion as to why, as a child, I was simultaneously drawn to and repulsed by horror. His explanation was that when I created horror (such as writing Spooky Island), I was in control of it. When others told me scary stories, it frightened me, because I was not in control. This was really perceptive and it made a lot of sense, though it bothered me a lot more than it bothered him. I don't like it when I'm inconsistent! That is tied to the core identity issues of type 4. But even then, the desire for control -- that's a 5 thing. 5s research knowledge and tackle complicated topics due to a desire to exert some sort of control over the world, for their own protection. 

So, what differentiates the two types? Core motivations and fears, but with a catch: if you're one of these types, you will probably relate to both, but one will be overlaid over the other. At least for me, I knew that my core type was 4 because I have always struggled with envy. In cross-country: "why am I so slow? I work so hard, why can't I be faster? What does everyone else have that I don't?" In writing: "Christopher Paolini got published at 14, I'm 27 and I still haven't published anything, why am I not good enough?" In social skills: "Everyone else is falling in love except me and it's not fair." And so on, and so on. And in true sx/sp fashion, I have an incredible amount of energy and drive to excel in what I'm passionate about, unlike a lot of 4/5s and 5/4s I love experiencing the world through theme parks and visiting beautiful places in nature, I'm a workaholic at times, and I tend to engage with the world in intense short-lived bursts before withdrawing, sometimes for long periods of time. This is the classic push-pull, blockage-and-release dynamic of the sx/sp, and it took me a long time to fully understand how that actually held up for me in external reality. I'm also way, WAY too introspective for my own good (see this post for a case in point). I care a lot about other people, but I still struggle with self-absorption (which is not the same thing as selfishness, mind you). My compassion is much more reactive than proactive -- if you ask me for help, I will happily oblige. If I see you struggling, I will try to reach out. But I am usually too focused on "my own stuff" and my own inner world to proactively seek out ways to be other-centric, which is something I definitely need to improve on! I can just get so lost in my own head and heart that I completely forget about what's going on in the world around me -- including the lives of other people. 

The 4's vice is that of envy, and its core fear is worthlessness and inconsistency of the inner self. The romanticism, longing, and wallowing in feelings is very much there even in the 4/5, but it is all due to that inner fear -- the desire to be true to oneself at all costs. 

The 5's vice is that of avarice, and its core fear is that of incompetence and overwhelm. I've always feared being incompetent and swallowed by the demands of external reality, but that's due to the undercurrent of core 4: wanting to be good enough, wanting to be loved and desired for who I am. 

So, you will relate to both core fears, BUT -- Which one lies deeper beneath you? Which one provides the foundation for the other? If you can ascertain this, you can ascertain whether you are a 4w5 or a 5w4. And even if you cannot, does it really matter? Use both points of integration and disintegration to understand how to improve your life. Both types are a fascinating meld of art and science; logic and emotion; fact and fiction. Both have rich inner worlds and have a passion for fantasy, both whimsical and macabre. And yes, it IS possible to be a 4w5 who is almost a 5w4, and vice versa. But you do have a core (you can't be two types), and if you're introspective enough, you will figure it out sooner or later. Don't worry about it too much -- enneagram isn't neuroscience; it's merely a simplified lens through which to view the incredible complexity of a human personality. 

It's also important to note that there is not some sort of abstract entity that assigns you a personality type. God doesn't chuck your spirit down to Earth, say "yup lmao, ENTP it is, sucks to suck" (no offense I love that type) and call it good. It's not encoded in your DNA at birth -- well, technically some variables that influence your personality are probably present in your genotype, but not all of them. Rather, personalities are incredibly complex, and you are YOU, pure and simple, before any sort of typology. All the same, humans are dependent on simplification, pattern recognition, and abstraction as a tool for survival. This is actually why many people struggle with drawing, since it requires separating manmade abstractions from concrete reality: if you never developed an abstraction of a box but instead kept seeing it as a series of shades and colors, we would probably all still be eating raw meat and bugs off each others' backs (gross, lol). And as much of a miracle as the concept of abstraction is, it does have its drawbacks as stated. 

Furthermore, I will always do what "feels right" to me, in the end. I think logical analysis is a good thing, but that not everything in this world has a logical explanation, and we must often trust our hearts. This leans towards 4w5. This moment of realization -- gun to my head, I WILL choose feelings over logic if I absolutely must choose -- shows that my core is feeling-centric. Oh and also, 4w5 is also more inclined to aesthetic -- of course 5w4s care about individual expression just as 4w5s do, but I have noticed I care a LOT more about whether or not I am perceived as physically attractive/desirable to the opposite gender than my 5w4 friends do. I spent a bit too much time in front of the mirror, maybe, but I'm not changing that, because I don't want to. :P 

Additionally: While both types are drawn to abstract, unconventional, and even wild beliefs, I would argue that the 4/5 has more of a propensity to detach from logic in order to believe in the impossible, fueled by emotion and what "feels right to me". For example, believing in soulmates and "the one" is illogical, yet I cannot detach myself from that belief, and in fact I refuse to (and with an understanding of the premortal existence, I can justify it, but a lot of people won't like it and will provide rebuttals which I don't want to deal with -- and that's another thing, 5s tend to love debate and I do not). Why do I believe in it anyway? Because it feels right to me. I can't explain why, but I KNOW that I am supposed to wait for someone specific, and even if I can explain from another's viewpoint why I'm wrong, I will never actually change my opinion. This is Fi. Ti is far more concerned with logical consistency and absolute truth, and is willing to adjust its viewpoints in the face of new data or newfound fallacy. It can detach to analyze arguments from multiple perspectives, but will actually shift its perspective if a more logically consistent one is found. Conversely, Fi is stubborn as heck. I don't like changing my mind once I form a strongly-held opinion on something, and as a result, it can be difficult for me to budge -- with my career, with my life philosophy, and so forth. But I like it that way. My mom always says that I am so stubborn, and that it's both a good and a bad thing: bad because it's frustrating, but good because I will stand for what I believe in. I hope she is correct. 

Regardless, I would argue that this lack of detachment is a sign that someone is in fact a core 4, and not a core 5, even if there is a heavy wing and detachment in areas in which one does not have a strongly held opinion. I can also justify believing in mermaids if I want to, or contrive theories as to how Santa Claus is real, and so forth. This drives 5s of either wing insane, and is kind of funny to do, I will admit. :) Have you ever tried pretending to be a flat-earther? It is absolutely hilarious to watch people's reactions. 

Anyway, those are my rambly thoughts on the matter. Hopefully it doesn't come across as pretentious or whatever but honestly, nobody reads this anyway so who cares. :D