OK, motivated again.

Thanks, Houdini by Eminem. I finally snapped into awareness at the gym -- maybe 30 minutes in -- and felt motivated again. I came in with very little will to live lol. 

If I had continued to digitally paint while in school, even when it got busy, I would have a Patreon right now. 

If I had stuck with the 1-2 hours of 3D art per day that I did while applying for CS-Anim, I'd have a portfolio and reel to be able to apply to a wider variety of art positions. 

If I had pushed myself to contribute more to open-source software and write my own apps and games earlier, I could have that on my resume right now. 

If I had been more consistent with writing my novels throughout grad school, I could be submitting to publishers right now. 

If I had started my thesis immediately upon entering grad school, I could have had journal publications by now, which might've given me a leg-up when trying to get back into Adobe Research. 

If I had done CAD and gotten certified as planned while presiding over TPED, I wouldn't be getting rejected from CAD positions. 

I am behind on all of my goals, but that's okay, because once I get there, the time lost won't matter nearly as much. I know I am capable of getting some of the best programming jobs out there, with better pay and actual work-life balance, but I haven't been putting in the work. Well, I have been, but not as much as I'm capable of doing to actually skyrocket myself to that point. 

I am as capable as those at the prestigious companies. Right now, I'd get obliterated in most of the interviews, and my resume isn't good enough to get past the initial rounds anyway. But the ability is there. I just need to unlock it. 

So I'm doing it. I will prove my skill. Whatever I lack, I'll get. And then I'll credit Eminem when I get there. (And Pokemon. It is actually an extremely motivating anime when you think about it. All of it is about never giving up and becoming the best at what you do.) 

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