trust in your SYSTEM

I'm tired. 

Could just be the lack of caffeine today though. But I've been running myself ragged, flailing about trying to get a remote position where I don't have to work on the weekends. 

And it's wicked. It's not fun. I have hardly gotten any positive responses. I did redo my resume, a little bit. But I'm frustrated. It's hard not to feel envious when LinkedIn says "congratulate Your Mom for 5 years at Random Company!" 

I wish I could be at a company for even just 2 years...

I've been doing my summer activities as usual, but have struggled to remain present. My workouts have been consistent, but my interview prep isn't (I keep applying and then not interview prepping because it's so hard to even get a response, which is bad). I haven't worked enough on my art, writing, or personal coding projects, or engineering studies, which is dumb because that's a huge part of the reason why I'm trying to get better work-life balance in the first place. 

So I need to trust in my system. 

At work, I'll keep trying to automate, so if (heaven forbid) I get stuck here, maybe I'll automate us out of weekend work altogether. Realistically, it will take 6-9 months. But I'll go for the impossible anyway. I'll try to do it in 1. 

Otherwise: If I apply to just 2-3 jobs a day, as per my goal, instead of panic-applying to 15+, I will be more balanced and I won't burn myself out. Then I will work on upskilling which I have planned to do for year after year -- but now, it will finally happen. If I'm not actively applying, I don't need to think about it, just like I don't need to think much about the gym -- I just GO. It is all built into my daily system. As I do that, I should gradually get more and more positive responses, until I finally land something. 

And then, finally, my weekends will be free again. 

I just hope it happens sooner as opposed to later. 

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