Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

...and they have no idea what you're building towards and how good you're going to be. 

This is a really good series by Sarra Cannon.  One thing I've struggled with in my writing is pacing and lack of excitement, mainly towards the middle of a novel. Partly, I'm trying to make sure that everything logically makes sense and that I'm hitting all the bullet points I've outlined for the chapter. But also, I just spent too many of my early writing years, i.e. high school, rewriting chapter 1 of things obsessively.  Sarra doesn't hold back, though. I feel like there's hardly a moment for her characters to relax, before some sort of metaphorical bomb goes off.  I'm trying to incorporate this more in my own work. So far, it seems to be working.  This has the bonus of decreasing the incidence of my alpha readers trying to find random people suspicious because there's nothing else going on. :')

was it installing pi-hole?  um no. Instead, it was just installing sl:

In the premajor for CS Animation, I remember walking around the TMCB, exhausted. It was night, the building smelled weird as usual, and I was so tired, but there was more coding to do.  I had no idea if I was going to get into the program or not. I was pretty sure I wouldn't, logically, but emotionally I felt that I would. It was a constant war within. I had backups to my backups, for sure, but I wanted it so badly. I envied those who were already in the program. One person who had gotten accepted already ended up quitting due to Computer Systems. I thought this was insane  and knew I would never do that. If I got in, I was going to complete the major.  I would look at the film movie posters on the wall outside the animation lecture hall. I would look at Rio 2, that's the main one I remembered. I've always liked Rio, even though I hadn't seen the sequel yet.  I would think to myself "Great things are never easy. I will never give up on this."  Nowadays, I prio...

But ONLY 10.  Also we can't put books we like, for reasons that only the lizard people understand.  MY CURRENT BATCH OF SONGS:  Slipknot, The Negative One:  I am someone who struggles with negativity. This isn't always apparent when you first meet me, especially because I can be humorous or entertaining. People get upset when I show actual emotion. I do not like that at all. I hope you live to see the day when your world goes up in flames.  Insane Clown Posse, Under the Moon :  The feeling of rotting, waiting for someone who may never return. Look here, fuck you and the moon.  Hazbin Hotel Cast, Brighter : When you know that you'll do anything to achieve your dreams. You'll work yourself into the ground to make it happen. If you want it, just take it; the world's yours, don't waste it; go make the stars align.  Ghostemane, Plague Doctor Mask 2 : I'm terrified of losing people that I love. And yet, I have to accept that not only are we all going to...

  There are so many hilarious screenshots and the lack of an English dub forcing the poorly translated subtitles makes it even better. Thank you Pokeflix for your service.  I have been cracking up lol this is so funny  Also, this might be my favorite Nurse Joy. 😏

So my ISP (Utopia) was apparently flagged by their system, causing them to not approve my account, which I only needed because of their stupid adblock guards. I contacted them and they did no whitelisting, no further investigation, nothing. They shrugged and said "Sorry, there's nothing we can do" Mate, I live and breathe tech. There are MANY things that you can do.  Two things I can't stand:  laziness  disrespect  I got both.  Pardon my French: Fuck that website; time for AllTheTropes. I am so excited for how hard I am going to slam TVTropes and their moderators when my novels are published and I'm doing interviews and stuff. I do not forgive or forget this sort of BS. 

I’m working swing shift at the BYU Office of Information Technology. The OIT building is large, with glass-walled rooms looking out to the city below. It’s 9:00 PM, and it’s time for my 15-minute break. I go downstairs to get some snacks. The office, normally loud and bustling during daylight hours, is dead silent and dim. The hum of the servers and the appliances is all I hear as I look at dark meeting rooms that feel like entrances to other worlds. I enter the break room, and go to the vending machine. I get my snacks: chips, cookies, Gatorade, an Uncrustable. I sit down on an armchair. I look out at the city lights from the big glass walls. I look overhead and I see the stars. It makes me feel like I’m in one of my favorite nightcore-style anime digital illustrations, a character looking out at the lights of the city. What could be out there, beyond those stars, in the vastness of space? Aliens? Adventure? Romance? Love that never dies? I think about my art, my writing, my musical ...

Spring Saturday morning at Lagoon during the tulip festival after a long run  Spring Saturday morning at Lagoon during the tulip festival after a long run  Spring Saturday morning at Lagoon during the tulip festival after a long run  Idk maybe some pizza or a funnel cake

It took me 32 years to realize that I am never going to be the child my parents wanted. And about that same amount of time to realize that I don't care anymore.  "I'm never gonna be good enough for you. I can't stand another fight." I thought my mom was done screaming at us, but she's doing again, just over FaceTime. The feeling like a dark bat is looming over you, gigantic, its wings spread, and you are very very small. She hadn't done it in many years, but it was both Christmas and yesterday. And then my dad makes fun of me for riding roller coasters solo and getting family coaster credits even though I've repeatedly explained to him how enthusiast culture works, and how if I waited for other people I'd hardly ever go to parks.  I can't do it anymore. So, I'm not going to move close by like I wanted to. I'll move closer so it's not a 12-hour haul, but not within an hour like my original goal. I think this is the final straw. Becau...

You don't.  I lose motivation at times. But because my habits are non-negotiable and automatic, they happen anyway.  So I might be demotivated on some morning but I'm already halfway through my workout before I realize because it's just that mindless to execute now. As it should be. 

1. you can't do anything with an adblocker 2. but you can make an account... 3. make account 4. log in 5. account denied for mysterious reasons  🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Just not formally.  I have my day job. I have my research: Foam Fraction Flow, which I am ramping up again. I have my study curriculum which I linked in an earlier post, already set up.  I am studying the following majors from the beginning:  Computer Science: Animation Emphasis Electromechanical Engineering: Roller Coaster Engineering Emphasis  Minors: Cybersecurity  Math Astrophysics  Paleontology English: Creative Writing Emphasis  Serious side pursuit of symphonic band, and the basics of music theory and composition. This is an extracurricular, but almost a sub-minor.  Because this curriculum is already so diverse, my only general ed class is Ancient Egypt since there's not a lot of history in there. Even so, I am covering the history of theme parks.  My extracurriculars:  Computer Science research Band (not started yet, ramping up basic practice)  gaming/esports (TBD) Running team.  Cybersecurity club (TryHackMe) Competiti...

because:  masculinity and femininity are social constructs. underneath, there is no actual logic.  I do not understand why certain people NEED gender norms, and adherence to them, to be a thing. I prefer to believe in theism/God because I prefer to believe in life after death. believing that you should be manly gives what benefit? greater...stress in your life? greater divergence from your actual goals? because you are spending mental and emotional energy on something so meaningless?  I understand trying to become more attractive physically to others; it's why I work out, but I still don't particularly care if I am seen as "manly" or not.  to me, deciding whether you are performing either of these listed characteristics is like asking whether or not you are acting sufficiently like an elephant. it is an arbitrary set of societally-chosen attributes, like a house that is built upon a foundation of air. if you drill down into these people and what the actual logic is,...

1. Follow Couch to Cavallini, except I usually don't have time to practice 1 hour a day. So instead 5-10 minute warmups plus 10 of C2C and spread it over a week (so one day for Jenny is a week for me). Also, sprinkle in computer music composition and theory.  2. Once 20 minutes a day of clarinet (and 20 mins piano and 5 voice) are cemented, then proceed.  3. Take online lessons that are just 30 minutes long, a few times a month.  4. Start playing in the Discord Symphony Orchestra.  5. Level up to the audition only version.  6. Maybe get a bass clarinet.  7. Finally, add an in-person wind band or orchestra. 

It's called the NUTCRACKER and it's an S&S Screamin Swing which DO kinda crack your nuts  The posters say that something BIG is COMING 😉 And his name is HANS Hans the nutcracker 😂 Julie and the rest of the lagoon team HAVE to have known. I'm sorry. This was as intentional as Creamies.  Many lagoonseshes in our future, ladies and lagooners. Hours of lagooning await, come spring. 

It's been what? 2 years and 3 months now.  I was only there for a year. It still kills me. I still think about it every day. Sometimes I fear that this loss will one day destroy me.  If I had landed somewhere like Adobe on a good WLB team - little stress, and better pay and PTO - I think it would not bother me as much. But instead I've been stuck for nearly 2 years doing manual deployments on Sundays, burning out and being told I code too slowly.  I am very productive on my own work because that can't be taken from me. But that's still hollow and I'm not sure why.  I wanted to be there until I was 65 or 70. And for a long time, I really believed that I would be.  It still hurts. I still think about it every single day. It haunts me. 

"Don't let the tears tame you.  Rip your arrows out, and make them cut deeper... And the hope will die when the curtains fall, And silence the pain."  - Swallow the Sun