and then it all comes crashing down

I've been laid off from every full-time job I've had. 

Including my dream job that I got during an industry boom and foolishly thought I'd stay at forever. 

One of my writing groups is on the verge of collapse and I feel it's partly my fault because I wasn't submitting consistently enough. That's what triggered this I guess. 

No relationships. No romance. 

No novels published. I was THE gifted English kid and I've done nothing

No Patreon. No art commissions. My art is still mediocre, both 2D and 3D. Same with my graphics programming. No way animation would hire me for anything beyond pipeline. 

Didn't double major with mechanical or electrical engineering and am too far behind on my self-study. 

I'm not very good at Leetcode. I'm not very good at system design. I don't have any cool apps on the store. Nobody cares about SWEs anymore. All they care about business and vibe coding. 

I got an Adobe internship and I can't get back in. I've failed 3 interview cycles

I haven't played in a concert band in almost a year...I quit due to a writing group that may fall apart, a group that I went to while at Lagoon and while working full-time AND doing a CS master's

No papers published despite a thesis based master's

I have two trips coming up, which are partially paid for and non-transferrable so I can't refund and I'm GOING but I also am going to lose money and my parents are going to be so mad

I was so despondent that I could not force myself to leave California for 3 weeks or attend my writing groups 

Where is my life even going right now? Why have I failed at everything? 

I haven't felt this bad since high school, and high school was really, really bad. The only thing I have going for me is running, and I can't even BQ. Lifting, I keep stalling on the physique goals. 

I'm not starving or anything, I can move back home if I need to, so why do I feel like everything is ruined? 

Cheer up, you'll see a star

Just follow it and keep your dreams in view

I just don't know if I can. 

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