on seasonal affective disorder in northern Utah

on seasonal affective disorder in northern Utah 

I knew they would arrive,

These endless days of gray.

Again, I cannot catch the light that flies,

Nor my spirit that fades away. 

Far gone are fields of green and blue,

Of glittering droplets under the sun. 

My head hangs heavy, my eyes droop,

Beside me lies no one. 

In bleak months that follow,

Dark thoughts are again commonplace. 

On slick pavement, my heart hollow

So many ways to leave this place. 

And the snow it’s fierce

And the wind it bites

And the ground is a rink of ice

And like the summer, my smile dies. 

Blurry lights dancing on moonlit streets

Obscuring road lines white

Empty playgrounds and barren trees

Slow hour after hour of suffocating night. 

The sun has toppled, the starless sky arised,

To paradise far, birds are flying.

Hours of false computer light

Unable to stop my crying. 

I wrote this while listening to "Dead" by Yearning on repeat, which is probably the saddest song in my music library. I feel better, but I need to get back to work. I need to learn to work efficiently with SAD, until I can get back down to California.