what a weird life right now

I am not where I want to be. 

I haven't executed my move to California yet. I'm no longer in the animation industry. My reel and portfolio are not great. My novels are still unfinished and need a lot of work. I don't have most of my target certs. Not many cool published coding projects; no apps or games out yet. Would bomb most Leetcode questions. My paper from my MS is not yet ready to be published. My running speed is improving, but I've been sick on and off since Saturday as a result of my nutritional mistakes, and I've still had to cancel activities and workouts, and will have to until my stomach goes back to normal. My physique is not where it should be. I don't have the schedule space for band right now, and my foreign language skills are barely being kept alive by a certain homicidal green owl. I'm not very active on my favorite communities online, except Reddit, and I'm terrible at texting and messaging people back. My apartment is a mess. I am struggling to stick to my Ynab budgets and keep having to restart them. My gaming and reading backlogs are steadily growing, and I am not keeping up. I have not found my "person" and my social anxiety still remains, even if it's not as bad as it was in childhood/teenage years. 

Sure, I am employed in a field I enjoy doing. Coding, a marketable skill, is one of my big interests and passions in life. Lots of things are good on paper, at least. But I feel so far away from what I believe I am capable of achieving. 

It's a weird life, and not in a good way. 

I don't really have anything magical or profound to say except that I just have to keep iterating and trying and sticking to my daily blocks until I get there. And above all, trying to remember to love what I do. If there is one thing about me, it is that I am basically a cockroach. No matter how many times I am stepped on, I simply refuse to die. 

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