the problem with missing out on high school/college years of playing your instrument...

I quit band after sophomore year of high school and am still mad at myself for doing it. I restarted doing university band in college (non-audition), but I sucked. Like I just wasn't good. 

The problem is that after missing those formative years, people are just like 

It's okay!!!! you can still play! ^____^ just do like a cute lil community band! and play on holidays! uwu

uwu playing at the pro level? ohhhh you had to go to a conservatory for that! it's far too late for THAT now! ^_____^ but why would you want to? it's better to just have funnnnnnnn!~~~


Now, I did like my community bands and the people I met, but I also started to get super demotivated. It sucked to drive 45 minutes in commuter traffic to get to band. When I got a closer one, the schedule kept shifting on me which eventually just stopped working so I wasn't able to go anymore, and I lost motivation even when my schedule shifted back. And since it wasn't a competitive environment, I was not motivated to practice enough, which kind of sucks? I don't know. I think I need that competition. 

I don't know what I am going to do about this yet. My new job is fantastic, but it's also hourly -- so that means if I took a lunch, I'd have to clock out, and so I usually don't. Music is supposed to be slotted at lunch. I will have to get creative to fit in music into the cracks however possible. I'll have to just...defy the odds, formulate a plot (thanks Eminem), and actually make this happen despite what everyone says. 

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