9-08.

I cannot bear my sorrow

I hate who I was before

I fear I won't live to see the day,

tomorrow

Someone tell me if this is Hell.


my eyes are staring at me,

and they seem so damn unhappy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dream jobs list

Image
In addition to Research Engineering, this: Is exactly what I want to do, if I don't decide to bridge next into cybersecurity or embedded. I would just work here and never leave until my writing took off. Or even just not leave even when it does.  Fully remote and at the intersection of tech, math, code, physics, and art. Also, I use Adobe's software on a daily basis.  If by a miracle I got an interview, well -- I'd be studying out the wazoo for it. 
Read more

St. George Marathon: 3:08, but at what cost? 💩 (TMI alert)

Image
I don't know who's carrying the boats, but I'm carrying the logs. 💩💩 This was my second full marathon, having run St. George last year in 3:34. I only tapered for a week and I never stopped lifting except for the day before. I knew I was capable of going much faster than 3:34 overall and that's what I set out to do this round.  This training cycle peaked at 62mpw and had a lot of lifting, but not as much as I'd like. Usually I did 1 speed workout per week and maybe threw in 1-2 fast miles for my long runs with the rest at fairly comfortable conversation pace. My longest training run was 22 miles.  We drove down Friday (I took the day off work and slept 9 hours, hallelujah.) Saturday, probably slept 6.5-6.75 hours, but woke up a LOT. I did core in the morning for about 5-10 minutes just to get the system up and running and also vanity. I wore my favorite Big Cottonwood 2025 tee with my Revel bib clips.  The start line was freezing. I did manage to work on all of my...
Read more

Introspection time

I've delved back into personality theory fake-science and finally figured out my whole enneagram trifix. I may or may not have involved Claude AI in this discussion because the internet wasn't helping. Yep. I knew my core type as 4w5 instantly. But the rest? It took me years. I initially tested with a 7w6 -head fix (yep...LOL), and thought for years that maybe it was accurate because 1) I can be silly?  2) I have a LOT of pursuits compared to the average person 3) I am vaguely introverted-7ish at amusement parks if I am with an energetic group. I get along decently well with 7s overall.  4) I have generalized anxiety disorder (w6...????) But no. That's SUPER counterintuitive for me. It was obvious all along. A 5-head fix can still have an anxiety disorder, and a 5-head fix can still be somewhat polymathic, especially in the 541 tritype. I am constantly screaming MASTERY. This is competency.  My love for theme parks and roller coasters is from the SX seeking intensity. The...
Read more