how to make yourself waddle like a penguin: Revel Big Cottonwood Half Marathon Race Report

We love Revel around here. A few notes:

The fact that LetsRun and r/AdvancedRunning and r/running hate Revel because "using gravity to run fast downhill is cheating" is even more reason to love Revel. Saying that gravity is cheating is about as rational as saying that breathing is cheating. I would strongly recommend that we all run Revel in order to spite the elitists. I assume they are all from Nebraska or Kansas or something.
I like trees. there are a lot of them in the canyon
It doesn't count for breaking world records -- OK, but no one in that race is going to be breaking world records. Let me have my 1:20 half, Kevin.

** I PRed by 3 minutes in the half marathon, AND by 9 seconds in the mile, and I only paid for it in the toilet for about 25 minutes and DIDN'T pass out at mile 7 -- I just got really close! **

Week before: I wasn't planning on tapering (I don't like tapering for halfs) but I had to because of some wicked cramping earlier in the week. To stay on the safe side. Actually, I might taper for this half only, in the future. I definitely plan to do it every year I can.

Night before:

Dinner from Noodles and Company (Doordash). Spaghetti and Meatballs, Regular. About 980 calories.
Writing group
I also had a Honey Stinger waffle, Cookies and Cream (140 cals) and some Gatorade Zero (the red one. gotta have my extra ADHD) after writing group
And I frontloaded electrolyes with a Nuun tablet before getting ready for bed. Delicious.

Morning of:

Alarm at 2:35 AM, snoozed until probably 2:45 AM
I ate a Cookies and Cream Honey Stinger waffle and drank 3 Crystal Light Energy packets for a total of 180mg caffeine. The total calories was 140 + (3*10) = 170 calories for the morning.
15 minutes of light core work and resistance bands so that way I could 💩💩💩💩💩
Hopped in the shower and put on some light cologne so I could smell beautiful in the bus and attract many curious bears to kill us all in the forest (Finally. The sweet release of death)
Headed out at about 3:40 AM to drive 30 minutes to the starting line (groce) and realized I had forgotten my inhaler. Too late now.

I got to the parking garages and was instantly panicking because of how long it was going to take to park. There were SO MANY PEOPLE. SO MANY CARS. I finally calmed myself down -- rationally, they weren't going to leave all of us behind. Indeed, there were so many buses that I needn't have panicked.

I met up with Aspen and we went on into the buses.

The starting line was freezing and PACKED. I brought layers, but I was cold pretty much the whole time. We used the bathroom. Then, Aspen went to go warm up, but I remembered what happened at Hobble Creek, and I could still feel the waffle digesting. I opted to take a brief walk instead, figuring I'd run closer to the 6:30 AM start as it was still like 5 AM, as Aspen just...took off into the wilderness alone, freaky.

The dark wilderness. Filled with beautiful stars and the dark silhouettes of pine trees.

Seriously, it was kinda spooky. Just me, one other guy in a blanket, and darkness, as by this point we were away from the crowd. I was walking into the woods along the road, and my brain decided that this would be a great time to start playing Silent Hill by WitchcrafT. In which a very attractive Russian lady sings creepy stuff in Russian that I can't understand while some pyramid head dude swings a bloody axe. Totally psyched out, I decided to turn around at this sign and just walk back and forth between that, and the bus dropoff point.

I don't wanna get eaten by some creepy forest cryptid. Or a mountain lion.

Is it too early in the year for wendigos up in the boonies? Or wait, that's not how those work.

Anyway.

I did eventually jog maybe 0.3 miles, but I couldn't feel my fingers. Not kosher. I decided to retreat back to the crowd to get warm. Queued back up for the bathrooms, then they apparently wanted us to drop off our bags at 6:05 AM when the race didn't start until 6:30 AM.

Huh?

Jeez. Fine.

The fire hazard

There were so many people in line for bag drop that it was almost impossible to move.

It was a mass of people. It reminded me of heavy metal videos where I've seen people in mosh pits.

I've only had two panic attacks in my life. One was in the Washington DC Metro station after 4th of July fireworks due to extreme crowding indoors. The second was on my mission (extreme stressors, social anxiety, not getting along with companions in the trio I was in, etc.) in which I locked myself in a clerk's office and was hyperventilating, heart racing, all of that. Awful stuff.

I almost had a third one, but I managed to calm myself down and after extreme jostling I dropped off my bag.

Ope

Jogged to the start line to get about 0.5 miles in total additional warm-up. I lined up in front of the 1:30 pace group, but not at the very front. I've seen the times the winners get in this race. I am not ever going to aim to run a 1:05 half marathon. My dream would be 1:15. Aspen met me there. I think we were both pretty certain we were ready for a sub-90 effort that morning.

I don't remember if a gun went off. I was adjusting my Mickey Mouse shoe until the last minute and then suddenly, we were off. Thankfully, I slipped it on just before we went.

Hell yeah I race in those things. And I run sub-6 minute miles in them too. Read it and weep, Letsrun posters.

the downhill miles

There was a bit of congestion at first. There's always a risk of tripping as you try to dodge and weave around....The slow people (sorry).

It's not hard to do the downhill miles at Revel, provided you've been putting in high mileage AND lifting AND doing your mobility and injury prevention work. You simply lean forward, brake as little as possible, and let the mountain do the work. Do not put in any extra effort. You simply let the course take you. You will fly. The feeling is amazing.

Only one problem. I felt a hole in my sock. A big one. With my big toe. I also felt what I thought was a pebble.

6:29

6:23

5:54

5:39

Around then, I realized "oh shit I am running sub-5:30 pace right now. Let's go for a mile PR." I never ran faster than 5:30 in the mile in high school, making me one of the slowest on the team. VHS XC was really good, and I always hated how slow I was. I wanted to be one of the best, but I didn't know how to, and that was frustrating.

I kicked it into gear and ran a 5:21, then backed off a bit.

5:52

5:34

On these miles I could definitely feel the hole in my sock. The scenery was beautiful. I posed for photos. And I was starting to redline.

At mile 7 I got hit by a burst of extreme dizziness, almost falling over in the middle of the road. I grabbed water and Gatorade at the aid station, plus a Gu just in case (which then exploded in my pocket, lovely) and slowed down a bit. This seemed to help:

6:05

6:02

6:20

By this point, we were out of the canyon. I was redlining hard and starting to slow even more, but it was OK. I had banked a ton of time. I don't normally advocate for time banking. But I sure do if the race is as downhill as Revel is. You cannot have a steep downhill advantage and not utilize it fully.

6:33

6:38

I stayed with the same group of guys by this point. We were all in agony. You could tell haha.

I realized "oh crap even if I ran the last mile in 8 minutes I'd still PR. LMAO okay"

I passed this one lady and kinda laughed weakly and told her "lol wow this is painful"

I'm not sure what I thought she was going to do with that information, but my brain wasn't really working by that point. Glycogen, what's that? Probably a conspiracy invented by the CCP and Winnie the Poo-Pooh Bear.

6:41

(Last bit) 1:21

I tried to sprint to the finish as I practice at the end of most long runs. I...kinda did? IDK. I'm not really sure. I did feel like I was gonna puke (what a surprise).

And then we were done. The clock said 1:21:02 or so total, but I knew that my chip time was gonna be in the 1:20s. When I checked, it was 1:20:37. Hell yeah dude. A PR by nearly 3 minutes from my previous best time of 1:23:02 at Snow Canyon in November 2024.

I DID IT!

Aspen finished shortly behind me, tying my 2024 PR of 1:23:02. She didn't like the course as much as I did. I LOVE this race personally and will be doing it every single year that I can.

I then had to go to the med tent because the hole in the sock meant that I had lost a nail (YEP, that was NOT a rock). You don't want any more details. It was bandaged and it's just gonna not feel great to wear shoes and socks for a few days.

Some nice interactions at the end of the race: one guy told me I kept passing him on downhills and it was really impressive lol. Another guy who finished alongside me thanked me for the pacing (but his chip time was 1:18 haha dang!)

I then suffered in the toilet for maybe 25 minutes. I finished the race at 7:51 AM and did not actually recover fully until much, much later. I didn't even take the bus back to my car until 10:20 AM or so. My stomach was in and out but gradually I was able to refuel. I also spent too much money on Revel merch and waited like 30 minutes at Einstein for a bagel

A VERY LIGHT lifting workout at Dimple Dell Rec Center followed, plus the lazy river and water slide!

I gotta figure out this stomach thing, but at least it was better than at Hobble Creek.

I am now waddling like a penguin, also my biceps hurt for some reason.

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