Why does LA only have municipal water slides in sketchy areas?

I have been looking at Santa Monica because holy crap I love that place. But, I could see myself going a bit more inland due to my deep dislike of fog (well, living in fog. If I hated fog altogether it wouldn't be on my banner here). Especially since Adobe has an office in Culver City. AND there is the excellent Santa Monica Pier, one of my favorite places on our mediocre planet to be. It is beautiful! 

But, municipal water slides are a bizarrely specific obsession of mine. Utah has them EVERYWHERE across the valley. I want to be near them. And there are three nearby. 

  • Stoner Park pool: Sounds like Snoop Dogg made it, water slide is almost never open because it often fails inspections, lifeguards will just randomly not show up, locker room has graf. I've been there and the slide was CLOSED and I went "wow this is kinda grimey" 
  • Havard Park pool: Wait, didn't this show up in Hood War Stories? Niche is showing an extremely high murder rate and I am pretty sure this is active crip territory 
  • Some other pool near Chesterfield Park: Yeah, this DEFINITELY showed up in Hood War Stories. 
    • WAT. Why is there a WATER SLIDE here and not elsewhere? It doesn't make any sense. I am very confused. 

Erm, isn't Jesse Owens...directly in R90s territory? 

I like listening to Fatjahk TGL but I am a neurodivergent socially awkward computer nerd from the heart of suburbia. Not happening. 



HUH????

WHAT? 

And then there are
  • No water slides in Santa Monica
  • No water slides in Culver City
  • No water slides in Marina Del Rey
  • No water slides in Mar Vista
  • No water slides in Beverly Hills 
Just lame and extremely boring lap lane pools. 

????

You can find them in Santa Clarita, Burbank, and Glendale though, plus my lovely hometown of Ventura. Oh and Hollywood. Good luck sliding after work though? ONLY BORING LAP LANES FOR YOU. I mean, I LIKE lap swimming, but come ON. 

I used to wonder how far I'd go for this hobby -- not just coasters but water slides too -- and apparently I do not venture into areas with high murder rates. Same reason why I am not going to go to the Pyongyang water park in North Korea with our distinguished and great Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un (peace be upon him, for the tales of his legendary reign and his synergy with Winnie the Pooh shall go on for many, many centuries to come). As a millennial, I am contractually obligated to constantly joke about wanting to die, but I do not ACTUALLY want to die. :P At least not like that. 

Anyway, would 100% recommend the Cottonwood Heights Aquatics Center here in Utah. Holy CRAP that pool has some awesome slides and this gigantic rock with 3 diving points which I was too scared to jump off of but it was cool to watch other people do it. 

Why isn't that in CA? 

I'd still move there though. It would suck for weekday sliding unless Stoner got its act together (not venturing into inner city because I am a pansy) but yeah, should be less than an hour to Hurricane Harbor Valencia on your average Saturday. Plus, if I landed a job with good PTO and pay, or even just predictably free weekends (bestie I'm at my limit with this one), I could swing by Utah once a month in the summer and fall if I wanted to. Keep that altitude conditioning. And keep my Lifetime membership for the excellent Splash Summit. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6 hours and only 6 Lagoon rides?

Just saw this in a FB comment. That's really unfortunate for the family who experienced this. I usually go to Lagoon on the most crowded day of the week, Saturday, and I'm almost certain that I could beat that even in the middle of July (but maybe not October. People LOVE the Halloween/Frightmares post season) Like the general principles are pretty easy. GRANTED I usually do Lagoon solo and these strategies are going to be harder to execute with a group that consists of anyone other  than extremely energetic teens and adults.  Rope drop and speed-walk and you can have all the coasters plus Samurai and both sides of Rocket done by 1-2 pm.  In order to rope drop, you will need to get there no later than 9:45 AM and the closer you cut it, the faster you are going to have to walk.  Potential order: Primordial (skip if there's even a single breakdown or if you don't get there at literal rope drop , like you actually see the rope fall  and almost get trampled by a bun...
Read more

Reflecting on major life goals yet again

And what I need to do daily to achieve them.  I feel like I write these a lot. I probably just need to find something that works and stick to it. Therein lies the rub, though. I have been steadily improving, but I still am not moving at what I would consider to be a "going to make it in a reasonable amount of time" cadence.  So, here we go again. I will keep iterating until I get something that sticks. Since I'm working tonight but not actively doing anything just yet while the code is deployed. And since I'm caffeinated on a Sunday, which is rare (and may take tomorrow off to reset the adenosine receptors).  Sundays are always a weak day for me. That's fine -- day of rest and all -- but I would like to start making at least some form of forward momentum.  Goal #1:   Published novelist, artist, and game dev.  It's always been my goal to be a writer, ever since the second grade. Art and game dev came later, in late high school / early college. The goal is t...
Read more

Hobble Creek Half: The slow passage of time marches us towards our inevitable death

Image
or, how I almost died alone in a Honey Bucket porta potty (to be fair, if you are not alone in there that is kind of weird) and lost 3/4 of a summer Saturday and 1/4 of Sunday to dying in various toilets but at least got my Elite 100 medal hell yeah See, I couldn't PR because I had to finish in 6:21 pace. For the memes! * So, in June I ran the Timp Half. No issues. 1:23:55. Course PR. I slowed down after the initial smooth downhill out of the canyon, as designed. I felt a calf cramp coming on, so I slowed down just a tad, was fine, and didn't have to plod my way to the finish line. Runtastic Events always does a great job.  Then on Saturday I ran the Hobble Creek Half in 1:23:09 (so 7 seconds off my PR) and almost died. In fact, I am currently still dealing with the after effects of whatever just happened to my body.  Let us see exactly how the wheels came off:  It was BREAKFAST. Yeah, I screwed that up.  What I had: * 180 mg Crystal Light Energy * 1/4 Bucked Up...
Read more