Ravings of an Undead Cheese Minion

Do not over-rely on AI. bad choice, bad choice, BAD CHOICE. Case in point: They make stuff up :D :D :D 

Not to be dramatic, but: When I got laid off from DreamWorks, I thought that I had lost everything. I was just going to stay there forever, while building my own creative career on the side. When I was laid off, that plan was ruined. I lost momentum completely. I limped to the finish line of my CS master's. I did not publish any papers. My final project had an error in the physics equations. I got a new job that was not animation and despite my love for coding, I just could not get my heart into it and I wasn't sure why. For a long time, I went through the motions to pay the bills and that was it. I was not consistent at practicing art, 2D or 3D, and my skills were severely lagging behind. I was not able to move to California as planned. I was not submitting to writing group. In fact, the only thing I was really consistent at was exercise.  Finally I woke up. I had to build something non-negotiable via daily automatic practice blocks that were just as important and unskippable ...

CS animation was great, fantastic even, but it wasn't really art school. It was just CS with some tech art courses.  My self study is great but I'm gonna want something more eventually.  That's why I am going to do GabyT, All in for Artists and Marc Brunet's Art School even if people on Reddit say they're a waste of money. I could trust some random who has no art on their profile, or I could trust GabyT. Hmm, why is this actually extremely easy calculus? Self study program first though. Then, the formal stuff. 

What is the summer haze?  First off, if you hate summer you probably don't experience this. However, it is something that I personally notice. It's both beautiful and dangerous.  The heat is intense yet comforting, like a warm blanket. It sends you into a sort of torpor. I've always said I'm basically a lizard. I'm cold-blooded. I can still crank my way through a water park before the crowds get there, but the haze starts to set in after that first hour or so.  The air is filled with cotton, like snow in June or July. The world is green and blue, and the air smells of barbecue and cinnamon and chlorine and sunscreen. People are laughing and talking and splashing. This feeling is strongest at public parks, including the ones at Provo Canyon, water parks, and amusement parks. It is obviously amplified in seasonal places where half the year the air hurts your face.  My brain personally  can easily fall into this half-zoned out, dissociative state where I'm lost in ...

I've been watching RWBY Ice Queendom, and only have one episode left. Mild spoilers here I guess.  I've realized how much I enjoyed the Beacon arc, and how I wish it could've lasted longer.  IQ does get dark or at least intense. It's not a Bluey episode, and it shouldn't be, as much as I love Bluey. I've always related to Weiss the most out of the main 4, especially her song Mirror, Mirror. So the scene with Pyrrha singing it inside of Weiss' dream still haunts me. It was very well executed.  Even so, it then lightens up and gets funny again. Those moments of catharsis are really needed. We're back in Beacon ready to learn more about becoming huntsmen and huntresses, I think (we'll see for sure in the last episode once I watch it). And the music is good, much like the music in actual RWBY.  But as I start to separate my nightly coding block into two different ones, Code and Games/Webcomics, I'm starting to think about my own webcomic that I'm...

Did they let me add it?  No. My advisor sucked. "You have too many credits, sucks to be you." I am so excited for when I make it as an artist because I am going to roast her so badly for blocking me from what I wanted to do.  And then they took it away and instead there was this cringe business bro "Design Thinking" BS. Ew. No.  Visual Arts was too...messy. I'll be honest; I didn't want to take sculpture or ceramics. I wanted the actual hardcore design classes because I knew the professors in that department would push me more. Push us all more. Though my Art 101 class was really good, and I really liked my professor and classmates, I got the sense that being pushed was the exception more than the rule in that department. I just got lucky.  I already took Figure Drawing for Illustrators and both ARTHC World Civ classes for my Civ GE credits. So all I would've had to take was the seminar, drawing, composition, and one more history course. That's only...

 this. 

Okay so confession time: I said it was gateway tapes season and then I haven't done it. Yep. Because I finally came up with an art + writing + code + engineering + music + gaming schedule that works, and obviously I am not going to mess with gym or my runs.  I'm also not quite  sleeping enough, but working on that.  But, during my 15-minute break for meditation and such, I'm starting over to read The Phase by Michael Raduga again, usually while on a walk outdoors (if it's nice) or on my vibration plate (if it's not).  If I'm going to do the gateway tapes, Sunday morning is the only  time, and this can be complicated if I have an early choir rehearsal. I have to basically be in bed by 10, up by 6:30 or 7, and that gives me around 40 minutes for a tape before I have to start getting ready for church.  That means I have to get to bed by 10 instead of 11 though. And I keep getting to bed at 11. Which, in turn, means that all coding must be done before dinner, s...

Tired of having that label. 1. I am a theme park enthusiast. Imagine putting together a Disney adult with some NERD who can talk your ear off about stats while going up the lift hill of Steel Vengeance.  2. I am from 2010s DeviantArt. You know the type. Not the weird stuff that's prominent on there now. Instead, I just like creative pursuits: art/writing/music mixed with a technical edge: coding and cyber/IT. Just picture a digital artist who also writes novels, games, coded their own online portfolio, and maybe is in a symphonic band. There is nothing groundbreaking about this.  Lots of people do it.  3. I do hybrid athletics. Legitimately just working out. Everyone should be doing this.  Easy. 

Many people think I'm odd But I talk with no one and I walk alone  ... I try to smile a lot but I'm always fronting But I do love a ghost and at least that's something... I hate that you leave when the lights come on And if I had it my way, the fucking sun would be gone  - ICP

It's not the freaking covid vaccine. This is why I am disappointed in the lockdown skeptic community. I will always be against lockdowns. I will never be against vaccines.  It's also not "chemtrails". Seriously? People actually unironically believe that? 😂  This is like flat earthers. Legit thought they were all trolling until my aunt in Texas apparently became one. Excuse me? Blame gym culture.  Blame the MPMD crowd who calls people "small" and "victim weight" and says "abs on a skinny guy are like big boobs on a fat chick, they don't count" (gross, gross, gross, I hated that I even typed that). Blame the NOJ crowd who thinks that any halfway decent physique is impossible without injecting hormones into your caboose. Embarrassing.  Choo choo, mfers. 

If you are using an OFFLINE area, and you  1) update an attribute rule in Pro, and  2) restart your service, and 3) SYNC that offline area,  It will pick up the newly updated attribute rules live. You don't have to download a new area if you don't want to.  There. That's a thing you know now. 

I do have "just-right" OCD though, so this could be a symptom.  But I keep thinking about what I did in undergrad:  Major: CS Animation Minors: Math, Creative Writing What I wish I had done:  Major: CS Animation, but the modern version which has more actual art courses based on the catalog Second Major: Mechanical Engineering Minors: Math, Creative Writing, Cybersecurity Would've minored in Design too if BYU hadn't nuked it out of orbit and if my advisor had actually been nice and reasonable to those of us who actually want to work hard OR also minored in physics if I couldn't double I'm not sure why I spin on this when undergrad is DONE. I am now mentally in my OWN school, doing it right this time. My own curriculum is BUILT and in-progress. So, it shouldn't bother me, and yet, it does.  What I also wish I had done:  Taken that Universal Creative internship  The regret for that  was almost erased by DreamWorks because TDs technically could be assigned...

Exactly how I feel on the matter. Brandon and Monika Zagrobelna are the two artists who capture my view on it perfectly. This one is a very encouraging video and I'd 100% recommend watching if you're worried about genAI.  I like using genAI as a chatbot and assistant, like a pair programmer, and that's it. I will never have it generate art or writing for me. Code, only as an assistant or if I'm at work. This video explains why. 

IDK, I didn't go for a few years, but for some reason I am feeling the pull to go again. I can't really explain why, but I think I'll resume going annually.  Pasted my loose schedule, which may or may not actually work. I suspect that the freebies table will be mostly empty (if it's even still a thing) by the time I get there after my long run.  I am planning to get my badge at around 10 or 10:30 AM.  I am gonna get lunch or even drive home to practice music from 12-1 I am going to be Super Social TM and by Super Social, I mean I am going to be buried in my laptop and iPad the entire time because I have the social skills of a dead jellyfish on the beach.  I remember being SO CONFUSED when I went my first year to "game development" and "writing for games" panels and there was not a single video game in sight. All board games and TTRPG. Big "wait, what?" moment. Welp, I'm not going to any of those most likely. See below: 2026 February Sat...

So tired of tech nerds being defined in 2026 as like...LinkedIn bros obsessed with company status, prestige, interviews, and overworking to prove themselves. I call this norovirus of the soul, because it makes me want to puke my guts out and have excruciatingly painful explosive diarrhea at the same time.  Tech bros used to be either bespectacled math nerds or gamer-weeb hybrids talking about compiler optimizations and dependency injection.  There's obviously still the latter, but the former crowd are annoyingly loud. LinkedIn, r/csMajors, r/cscareerquestions, pretty much all of those need to be avoided like the plague. I need to keep drilling until I find actually serious discussion and increase my own skills until I can hang with that crowd. I'm even getting kinda grossed out by my own GitHub bio because it feels somewhat performative, but then again, it's not like I am like "achieved all 12 OKRs this quarter and increased throughput by 87% - " 🤮 🤮 🤮 🤮 🤮  ...

21 hours awake. 1 waiting for rope drop. 16 in the parks. 1 after close. No naps, no breaks. Straight up.  5 am wakeup and core. 5:30 am run. 6:30 breakfast. 6:40 off to the park. 7 security. 8, rope drop Space. Park Hopper with LL, at DLR and DCA. 24 rides (1 repeat, so really 25) and 1 parade completed on a Saturday. 7 snacks/meals. 3 souvenirs.  I normally cannot do this. But at Disney, I can. And I love it.  Immersed in a world of magic, stories, and romance. I never want it to end. My cousin bailed at 8-9 pm or so. I kept on trucking until the bitter end.  I'll get 5 hours max sleep tonight. Sucks, but that's why they invented white monsters. And yes, SX basically took SP in a chokehold, dunked it underwater and held it there, and said not today, Satan.  LROTN was a front row ride on Space. My feet hurt, I'm beyond exhausted, and I'm utterly at peace with the world. Not for long. But for right now.  Wake up, dead boy.  Enter Adventureland.  -...

No else-if statements Find call is ordered backwards (legit wasted half the day on debugging when I was just accidentally reversing Find calls)  FeatureSetByName  forces you to hardcode strings , yet it doesn't even fail until you try to actually call the rule . Like it passes evaluation.  This language is a bastardization of computer science. Maybe I'm breaking my rule of "I love all things code", but again, I still enjoy the work I do in Arcade. I just think the language itself was poorly designed. 

ok, back to work 

Here's a cultural thing I have been thinking about.  I love roller coasters. I also love Disney. But, they appear to be two totally separate communities. Here's why I notice this:  Disney adults (for lack of a better term) enjoy theming, immersive experiences, hardcore brand loyalty, food. They will do things like runDisney even if they are not runners, because they have to do everything that is Disney. Many are also animated film lovers. There is a subset that will also go to Universal or maybe Dollywood. Some may describe it as "cheating on Disney". Talk about Cedar Point and watch their eyes glaze over. If they show up at Six Flags at all (unlikely), they will be too scared to do most of the rides.  Roller coaster enthusiasts will count credits, travel across the country or even the world, understand science and physics and engineering (in some cases, like the IAAPA crowd) or just be there primarily for the social aspect but still be quite well-read about parks and...

Turns out, keeping a theme park blog up to date with trip reports is actually pretty exhausting. I can do it, but I have to do the reports RIGHT AWAY, not piecewise. I haven't been, so I'm almost a year behind -- and probably will just fast forward to modern days.  But there's so much more to do with it. I want to write park guides. I want to discuss engineering, science, history, art. 

I have realized something:  sometimes computer graphics gets skipped when low on time  sometimes game dev does too this is no longer going to happen. today I at least opened up the pages in addition to this, sometimes internet gets skipped and I don't play around with music production  enough, but the latter is fine to wait a little bit longer as I solidify my practice habits I'm doing Disney and Knott's starting tomorrow anyway so...gonna be thrown off 

cozy cone mac and cheese  adorable snowman  dole whip  chicken tendies, be they crispy or from wendy's mickey pretzel (so you can be the childless tramp who takes the last one)  gotta get some pizza or maybe a hot dog  spicy mac: firetown mac and cheese bites at troubadour tavern churro, of course jack jack cookies  I've also heard that there are some good valentine's day exclusives and some good snacks in the star wars area Hmm also I need to figure out if I'm doing LTUE...

Usually they're like super old timey and grainy for some reason? Yeah not mine 

well, cyber + job apps. They aren't working when I do them during work breaks. all it does is fry my brain. I don't know what to do yet, but I will figure it out. Almost every second of my day is optimized, so I will have to get extremely, extremely creative. But if I can resolve this, I will be able to do the full, restorative breaks that Steve Pavlina talks about. DRAFT: Any overlaps you see in time will be multitasks.  4:15 AM - 4:55 AM Engineering 4:45 AM - 6:00 AM Lift  6:00 AM - 7:15 AM Run 7:15 AM - 8 AM Prep for Work 10:45 AM Duolingo and YNAB Break 8 AM - 12 PM Work 12 PM - 1 PM Lunch + 40 Minutes Music (produce or study theory as you do long tones) 1 PM - 4 PM Work 4 PM - 5:15 PM Art 5:15 PM - 5:45 PM Dinner with pokemon, vibration plate, remote job app 5:45 PM - 6:05 PM Cleaning and Reading 6:05 PM - 6:45 PM Writing 6:45 PM - 7 PM Meditation/Break 7 PM - 8:15 PM Code Block, loosely: 7 PM - 7:15 PM Cybersecurity 7:15 PM - 7:35 PM Computer Science Core 7:35 PM - 8:00 ...

One thing about running 8 miles a day in the winter: when doing pure treadmill days, you can watch a whole movie. But usually older movies, since they're shorter.  I love this movie. Also, I know the sequel is unpopular but I love it too. Ready for the next full treadmill 8-miler. Bonus: I'm not tempted to push too hard on easy days, and I barely even notice that I'm running. 

...and they have no idea what you're building towards and how good you're going to be. 

This is a really good series by Sarra Cannon.  One thing I've struggled with in my writing is pacing and lack of excitement, mainly towards the middle of a novel. Partly, I'm trying to make sure that everything logically makes sense and that I'm hitting all the bullet points I've outlined for the chapter. But also, I just spent too many of my early writing years, i.e. high school, rewriting chapter 1 of things obsessively.  Sarra doesn't hold back, though. I feel like there's hardly a moment for her characters to relax, before some sort of metaphorical bomb goes off.  I'm trying to incorporate this more in my own work. So far, it seems to be working.  This has the bonus of decreasing the incidence of my alpha readers trying to find random people suspicious because there's nothing else going on. :')

was it installing pi-hole?  um no. Instead, it was just installing sl:

In the premajor for CS Animation, I remember walking around the TMCB, exhausted. It was night, the building smelled weird as usual, and I was so tired, but there was more coding to do.  I had no idea if I was going to get into the program or not. I was pretty sure I wouldn't, logically, but emotionally I felt that I would. It was a constant war within. I had backups to my backups, for sure, but I wanted it so badly. I envied those who were already in the program. One person who had gotten accepted already ended up quitting due to Computer Systems. I thought this was insane  and knew I would never do that. If I got in, I was going to complete the major.  I would look at the film movie posters on the wall outside the animation lecture hall. I would look at Rio 2, that's the main one I remembered. I've always liked Rio, even though I hadn't seen the sequel yet.  I would think to myself "Great things are never easy. I will never give up on this."  Nowadays, I prio...

But ONLY 10.  Also we can't put books we like, for reasons that only the lizard people understand.  MY CURRENT BATCH OF SONGS:  Slipknot, The Negative One:  I am someone who struggles with negativity. This isn't always apparent when you first meet me, especially because I can be humorous or entertaining. People get upset when I show actual emotion. I do not like that at all. I hope you live to see the day when your world goes up in flames.  Insane Clown Posse, Under the Moon :  The feeling of rotting, waiting for someone who may never return. Look here, fuck you and the moon.  Hazbin Hotel Cast, Brighter : When you know that you'll do anything to achieve your dreams. You'll work yourself into the ground to make it happen. If you want it, just take it; the world's yours, don't waste it; go make the stars align.  Ghostemane, Plague Doctor Mask 2 : I'm terrified of losing people that I love. And yet, I have to accept that not only are we all going to...

  There are so many hilarious screenshots and the lack of an English dub forcing the poorly translated subtitles makes it even better. Thank you Pokeflix for your service.  I have been cracking up lol this is so funny  Also, this might be my favorite Nurse Joy. 😏

So my ISP (Utopia) was apparently flagged by their system, causing them to not approve my account, which I only needed because of their stupid adblock guards. I contacted them and they did no whitelisting, no further investigation, nothing. They shrugged and said "Sorry, there's nothing we can do" Mate, I live and breathe tech. There are MANY things that you can do.  Two things I can't stand:  laziness  disrespect  I got both.  Pardon my French: Fuck that website; time for AllTheTropes. I am so excited for how hard I am going to slam TVTropes and their moderators when my novels are published and I'm doing interviews and stuff. I do not forgive or forget this sort of BS. 

I’m working swing shift at the BYU Office of Information Technology. The OIT building is large, with glass-walled rooms looking out to the city below. It’s 9:00 PM, and it’s time for my 15-minute break. I go downstairs to get some snacks. The office, normally loud and bustling during daylight hours, is dead silent and dim. The hum of the servers and the appliances is all I hear as I look at dark meeting rooms that feel like entrances to other worlds. I enter the break room, and go to the vending machine. I get my snacks: chips, cookies, Gatorade, an Uncrustable. I sit down on an armchair. I look out at the city lights from the big glass walls. I look overhead and I see the stars. It makes me feel like I’m in one of my favorite nightcore-style anime digital illustrations, a character looking out at the lights of the city. What could be out there, beyond those stars, in the vastness of space? Aliens? Adventure? Romance? Love that never dies? I think about my art, my writing, my musical ...

Spring Saturday morning at Lagoon during the tulip festival after a long run  Spring Saturday morning at Lagoon during the tulip festival after a long run  Spring Saturday morning at Lagoon during the tulip festival after a long run  Idk maybe some pizza or a funnel cake

It took me 32 years to realize that I am never going to be the child my parents wanted. And about that same amount of time to realize that I don't care anymore.  "I'm never gonna be good enough for you. I can't stand another fight." I thought my mom was done screaming at us, but she's doing again, just over FaceTime. The feeling like a dark bat is looming over you, gigantic, its wings spread, and you are very very small. She hadn't done it in many years, but it was both Christmas and yesterday. And then my dad makes fun of me for riding roller coasters solo and getting family coaster credits even though I've repeatedly explained to him how enthusiast culture works, and how if I waited for other people I'd hardly ever go to parks.  I can't do it anymore. So, I'm not going to move close by like I wanted to. I'll move closer so it's not a 12-hour haul, but not within an hour like my original goal. I think this is the final straw. Becau...

You don't.  I lose motivation at times. But because my habits are non-negotiable and automatic, they happen anyway.  So I might be demotivated on some morning but I'm already halfway through my workout before I realize because it's just that mindless to execute now. As it should be. 

1. you can't do anything with an adblocker 2. but you can make an account... 3. make account 4. log in 5. account denied for mysterious reasons  🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Just not formally.  I have my day job. I have my research: Foam Fraction Flow, which I am ramping up again. I have my study curriculum which I linked in an earlier post, already set up.  I am studying the following majors from the beginning:  Computer Science: Animation Emphasis Electromechanical Engineering: Roller Coaster Engineering Emphasis  Minors: Cybersecurity  Math Astrophysics  Paleontology English: Creative Writing Emphasis  Serious side pursuit of symphonic band, and the basics of music theory and composition. This is an extracurricular, but almost a sub-minor.  Because this curriculum is already so diverse, my only general ed class is Ancient Egypt since there's not a lot of history in there. Even so, I am covering the history of theme parks.  My extracurriculars:  Computer Science research Band (not started yet, ramping up basic practice)  gaming/esports (TBD) Running team.  Cybersecurity club (TryHackMe) Competiti...

because:  masculinity and femininity are social constructs. underneath, there is no actual logic.  I do not understand why certain people NEED gender norms, and adherence to them, to be a thing. I prefer to believe in theism/God because I prefer to believe in life after death. believing that you should be manly gives what benefit? greater...stress in your life? greater divergence from your actual goals? because you are spending mental and emotional energy on something so meaningless?  I understand trying to become more attractive physically to others; it's why I work out, but I still don't particularly care if I am seen as "manly" or not.  to me, deciding whether you are performing either of these listed characteristics is like asking whether or not you are acting sufficiently like an elephant. it is an arbitrary set of societally-chosen attributes, like a house that is built upon a foundation of air. if you drill down into these people and what the actual logic is,...

1. Follow Couch to Cavallini, except I usually don't have time to practice 1 hour a day. So instead 5-10 minute warmups plus 10 of C2C and spread it over a week (so one day for Jenny is a week for me). Also, sprinkle in computer music composition and theory.  2. Once 20 minutes a day of clarinet (and 20 mins piano and 5 voice) are cemented, then proceed.  3. Take online lessons that are just 30 minutes long, a few times a month.  4. Start playing in the Discord Symphony Orchestra.  5. Level up to the audition only version.  6. Maybe get a bass clarinet.  7. Finally, add an in-person wind band or orchestra. 

It's called the NUTCRACKER and it's an S&S Screamin Swing which DO kinda crack your nuts  The posters say that something BIG is COMING 😉 And his name is HANS Hans the nutcracker 😂 Julie and the rest of the lagoon team HAVE to have known. I'm sorry. This was as intentional as Creamies.  Many lagoonseshes in our future, ladies and lagooners. Hours of lagooning await, come spring. 

It's been what? 2 years and 3 months now.  I was only there for a year. It still kills me. I still think about it every day. Sometimes I fear that this loss will one day destroy me.  If I had landed somewhere like Adobe on a good WLB team - little stress, and better pay and PTO - I think it would not bother me as much. But instead I've been stuck for nearly 2 years doing manual deployments on Sundays, burning out and being told I code too slowly.  I am very productive on my own work because that can't be taken from me. But that's still hollow and I'm not sure why.  I wanted to be there until I was 65 or 70. And for a long time, I really believed that I would be.  It still hurts. I still think about it every single day. It haunts me. 

"Don't let the tears tame you.  Rip your arrows out, and make them cut deeper... And the hope will die when the curtains fall, And silence the pain."  - Swallow the Sun