New job posting just dropped!

Senior Software Development Engineer

Your Mom Dot Com Industries

Fully Remote

Also, 100% In Person in Austin, Colorado

Your Mom Dot Com Industries is the best place ever! You get free happy-ending massages, catered meals, Golden Corral every Saturday, and therapy pitbulls. Wow! At YMDC, we truly believe in our slogan, Your Mom is Always Right.

We are seeking a Senior Software Engineer to work on our Shart.io platform for your mom's crapped capris. We seek a Sharter whose identity has been wrapped up in shart.io ever since they were in Huggies.

Duties:

- Work in an exciting, fast paced, high pressure environment with someone's out of shape father breathing heavily down your neck

- HIGH PRESSURE

- did I mention HIGH PRESSURE and FAST PACED

- Participate in our on-call rotation, taking calls at 3 am and on the beach on your trip to Bali.

- mentor junior engineers (that we will lay off later) 

- work 40-50 hours a day! 

- Fix some Angular forms or something I don't give a fuck.

Requirements:

- 17 years in Shart.io (DO NOT APPLY if you do not have SIGNIFICANT prior SHART experience)

- AWS, Terraform, Playwright, Jenkins, Java, Azure, GCP, Ali Baba (29 years)

- Wordpress, Drupal, CMS (67 years)

- No formal degree required! UWU we love you!

- React, Angular, Vue, GraphQL, Grafana, Shart (500 years)

- Poop

- C

- Fedora Linux (No other distros)

- in depth knowledge of syscalls for some reason

- Security Clearance (we won't sponsor it. If you don't have it already by magic, fuck you)

* note: internships and part time DO NOT count as experience, you should have just been gooning to sonic r34 those summers

Nice to haves:

- Multiple published apps on the app store

- Certifications for all cloud providers

- won kaggle competitions :)

- huge fan of yourmom.com :)

- certified scrum master (we won't do agile though)

- Security+

- COBOL, JCL, Hercules, z/os

- Taco bell gift card

Questions? Please email wewontreply_fuckyou@yourmom.com.

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