No, not like THAT

Ten years in Utah (gross), plus another year before my mission, and I am still weirded out by how bizarre Utah Mormon dating culture is. I can't do it. 

I was very romantic and idealistic in high school, though this was overshadowed by severe, then-undiagnosed (but blatantly obvious) social anxiety disorder. I would listen to Michael Franti and Spearhead like this song, which I'm listening to now: 

Now, I'm not a highly metaphysical man
But I know when the stars are aligned, you can
Bump into a person in the middle of the road
Look into their eyes and you suddenly know. 

So if you had asked me if I believed in love at first sight, I would have said, without a question "absolutely". 

But then in Utah, you had people get married after only knowing each other for a few months. WHAT? When I first noticed this, my reaction was "EW, EW, EWWW! Love at first sight, yes. But no, NO! Not like THAT!" 

I can't even fully describe how much it freaked me out.

CAUTION READERS: TMI AHEAD 

And don't forget how baby-crazy some people are. Getting SO EXCITED when you see a baby that I instantly feel like a sperm donor. Hey unborn child, want OCD and ADHD-PI? Cuz you're gonna probably get BOTH! Double WHAMMY! It's the quickest way to make me...um...sorry...limper than an overcooked Maruchan shrimp-flavored ramen noodle. 






TMI OVER

So I had to refine my statement: I believe in love at first sight, but dating for at least a year to be completely sure. 

Not so romantic anymore, eh? But still, WTF is going on here. Provo, Utah culture killed romance and replaced it with irrational cultural adherence and mindless execution of societal expectations. Lame, lame, lame, LAME. Also, GROSS. 

And aren't we at college to STUDY? I thought that's why we went to college. That's why I went. I guess in some schools it's for partying. In BYU it's "we're turned on by each other, uh-oh, let's hurry up and get hitched so we don't make like Judas Priest and BREAK THE LAW". 

Let's establish some ground points. 
  • Romance and love are two of the most important things in this world. 
  • But not the way BYU does it, or Provo more broadly, or really just...Utah in general, maybe outside of SLC. 
  • It's fine if you don't want kids at all, or only want 1-2, or are undecided, or want to wait until after you're more established in your goals and dreams. 
  • All relationships are valid and will last forever, between any two (or more) consenting adults. Any gender. No, LGBT people do not need to wait for some magic orientation change thing in the afterlife; that's not going to happen because there's nothing to be fixed in the first place. The loving God that I believe in is certain of that. 
Because that's the other thing. On r/mormon, which is supposed to be the edgy cool kids, there are a bunch of weird contrarians who say that they don't WANT to be with their spouses forever? That's weird, dude. I'm sorry your marriage isn't satisfying? 

Love above all. Not just being horny and wanting to avoid breaking a rule. That's just boring. 

If there's one thing I hate, it's being ideologically inconsistent. But here we are. 


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